nerds SUX!!

2010-04-04T01:52:00.005+08:00

I just went to see BBgene's FB profile, in a bid to satisfy my curiosity regarding his much talked-about girlfriend. Because, amazingly, I still dont know who's she. Ok I know I'm lagged, but thats always me.

Looking at their photos, I cant help think: "Has he totally let go of the past?". "Is it so easy (if its even possible) to completely let go of someone whom you were so so close to?". I know it would be ironic, yea, I'll probably realise it when i find a new her. Anyway, those questions are just my something I wonder, but contain no negative intent, disapproval nor sarcasm. Guess it's also because I still very shaken by the fact I have been let go of, so completely and at such amazing speed. But anyway, that's not the main point of this entry.

My main subject this time, would be that, are relationships that started in school or rather first relationships (sec sch-JC) merely puppy love that would probably end afterall? I'm not sure on about other people's views when they were involved in the relationships, but I trust that at least half were quite serious and banked their hope for "eternal hapiness" (or as long as it may last) on the relationship? So why do almost all those relationships, which used to be so sweet and heartwarming and looked as if they were going to last, end up as devastated as if they had been destroyed by the 2000-pound smart-precision bombs which stealth planes F-117 used to turn Saddam's palace into dust? (sorry for the jargons, just feel like using some stuff I read recently from the Skunk Works book I've been struggling to complete haha). The 3 of our class, BBgene's, my senior's 9-year (i think) relationship. I know, people have always been skeptical about these puppy relationships, I too had my reservations. But I once placed my faith in them, and I once was motivated and very moved by the marriage of a Tekong dental officer (who's a HC alumni about 7-10 years my senior) to his first girlfriend. But unfortunately, I'm no longer able to achieve the similar commendable feat. For my first relationship went into the tomb some 9 months ago.

For now, I can only bet very pathetically meagre faith left, on ys's revived relationship (which I still think is a miracle) which seems to be going strong on its 5th year (i think) and counting. Siao ay, do me this favour, fulfill this dream on mine, and show the world that our sincerity and earnestness in even the first relationship can overcome all odds and cynicism.

2010-02-07T22:59:00.004+08:00

I sorta knew I'll be affected, by her presence at the party. But I didnt expect it to be so negative. I was expecting to portray a good image of myself (I know this is childish, & probly Hai pai has a part to play in worsening this idea. Told you Hai pai's bad...), maybe for the more common aim of surprising her and letting her see I'm "better" than before, or maybe with the foolish hope that she'll still be attracted. Haha, I feel so stupid even typing that. But I think she didnt really even care about me, she probably (surprisingly) was more occupied with some of the other friends whom I dont even know. Maybe it doesnt really matter to her already, I just add to the number count of the people who's present.

Actually I really dont know what I want too. Do I want to let go of everything, and resume our status of normal friends?(Not that I'm dying to be associated with her, but sometimes I do wonder if its a pity. If we didnt get together, we'll may be good friends now.) Or do I want to just totally not have anything to do with her? You know I have this foolish adea (yet again), that I'll just keep trying to lie to myself that she has left me. But not that we have broken up, but she's no longer "here" anymore, if you know what it means. I dont want to spell it out, because it's sorta wrong huh? And what do I do when I see her? Just tell myself shes just the twin sister of sh. Haha to think i'll come out with such a lame idea.

Oh ya, nearly forgot this point. I saw her playing drinking games and even proudly teaching others (I didnt see her drink la,but I assume she did?). Wonder how I should react to this. Its a contradicting cocktail of anguish, disapproval, worry. Or should I actually be, more expectedly, gloating that I'm fortunate to have not stayed with her. However, whatever it is, I still wish to clarify with those reading. Shes really not a bad girl la. She really has many good points, I hope she still has.

Anyway, I realised I'm not that affected by her anymore. So guys out there who care about me, dont worry ok. Thanks for always standing by

2010-01-31T01:31:00.004+08:00

Oh a point to add to the last post. Its super random and a bit lame. There was a part in my dream, about at some concert/party thingy. Our class people were like surrounding the performing stars, for reasons i dont know. And zeng zhi wei (with another star whom I forgot) was singing Jeff Chang's Guo huo (I know this scene's weird), then we were like singing along. Then dont know why they sang till last line,they paused deliberately as if for me. And yea I did sang out "ru2 guo3 ni3 xiang3 fei2, shang1 tong4 wo3 bei1". It was super emo la, but I thought it was totally apt and accurately reflected my feelings. Haha,I've told you its random.

Anyway I dreamt of her again. This time its getting back with her again. And this time I got to ask her hows shes like for the past few months (1 of the things I'm most interested/curious) about. And I told her how I survived through the half a year. But I totally cnt remembered what she said.

I'm tired. In both sense, really slpy, and tired of having to cling onto this. Ironically, its me who want to hold on originally. Ok not that I want to let go immediately now, I still she3 bu4 de2 to let go of these memories which are the only things I have now (wah this can be a classic line in some tv script hahha!). Its all in a lump of ironic and contradicting mess

2009-12-30T14:27:00.002+08:00

wow,time flies. It's been 6 mths. N my camp friend once told me that after it ended, the first few weeks you'll still think n dream about it. But as the time passes, you'll suddenly realise "aa,why i suddenly din tink of her already". N most of my close fwens said they took about 7-8 months to forgot. So that's probably why I still havent forgotten. Does the 1st r/s take especially long to be let go of? Just a random point, if say the r/s after the 1st would take shorter time to be forgotten, isnt that a sad thing? Because to me, it just means you take these r/s less seriously than the 1st, or you are numb or more skeptical of them.

Btw anyone who's reading this, I think you shouldnt read on. Because I tried to narrate my dream, and ended up realising there's so many parts which I cant remember! So you'll probably be very confused haha.

I didnt have a good sleep yesterday. I woke up at 3+ I think, then subsequently after intervals of 1+hrs. Not sure is because of the dreams,of just I had too much pee haha. But the first dream is undoubtedly most significant, and probably it started it all by triggering and messing up my thoughts. It was another dream that left a deep impression of me, for I remember the details quite vividly. But of course, some of it still dont make sense, although most of it made it feel so real. The 1st setting i can recall would be in a room with i think 3 of our class girls. I cant remember the others, but 1 of them was her. I was sitting doing my own stuff in a corner,and they were having their own talk. I cant really recall, but perhaps I did something like dao them when they talk to me. That led to her saying something like "must be because he couldnt get me so hes doing that..." (ok this is totally not possible,because i know she wont say that. And I realised it doesnt seem to make sense with the later part of teh story...). I got super pissed and hurt, I think, and so i just went out of the room. Fast forward (cos i cant remember what happened in between heh), I decided I couldnt take it at that moment, and I wanted to get out for a breather. So I went out of the flat (Dont ask me, I also have no idea whether this is a chalet or someone's house). At this time, a few people came out and sensed that something was wrong with me. C seemed to guessed what was happening, and he grabbed hold of me, wanting to help me confront her. I struggled because I didnt want a confrontation, I didnt want to face her, I didnt want to let her know my feelings though they might be obvious. But C was insistent, probably he knew what I was going through, and he tried to drag me in. I think the commotion caused her and the rest to come out to see what was happening. At this point, I broke down and asked C to release me. And I blurted out everything, "please let me go, i dont want her to know I still have feelings, and i dont want her to see this...". They heard everything, and I think it caught them by surprise. The end of dream. Ok thats all I could remember, I feel so stupid writing all this haha. But i didnt know why despite waking up feeling quite moody (probably influenced by the dream), I felt a slight hapiness after a while. Probably in the dream I finally said what I always wanted to but dare not say in real life.

But hai, I think the most important conclusion is that I still havent and cant let go. A random thought as i went back to sleep, "hmm maybe its because today's out 'month-sery'". What an irony, I remembered this time! And i usually forgot when i was with her. Doing the counting, it'll be 2 years and 1 month together. That'll add up to about..760 days? thats IF we are still tgt. And it means nothing now..

All over: a dream..

2009-10-13T01:48:00.006+08:00

Wah i think mould's really growing on my blog already. Really lucky they didnt close it down cos I havent been blogging for so so long.

Its quite late now. And i didnt want to turn on my com just to blog. I still have programmes for tomorrow. But I know if i procrastinate again, either i would never to write the post because I'll evetually be too lazy, or I wont have that strong a Feel to write anymore. Actually both of which always are the reasons why my potential-post ideas only remained as ideas. Anw (as of always), I shall just talk briefly of my thoughts, and hopefully I'll have the discipline and feel to come back and complete the post (btw my laptop's battery's running out soon too).

And once again, I dont know where to start. Just like i told sy today (i know u'll be reading this haha), I have so much feelings and thoughts in my heart and mind, but they are too messy and require organising and conversion into words. Many of them are also contradictory and i have to struggle through a long, tedious thinking process, so confusing that I mostly end up just giving up, to find out which "theory" exactly is my belief. And also possible explanations for all my views.(Wow this line itself is confusing enough. But from the many brackets in my posts, it shouldnt be hard to guess i like to think about my thinkings. Argh sht,nvm skip the elaborations).

Yes, just a simple and straightforward start, I've lost her. Fully, completely, and forever. And this time is probably for real, that we'll cut off contact almost totally. Actually, strictly speaking, I have already lost her 3+ months ago. But in my heart I have never been able to let go. And however hard that I've tried to convince myself its over, deep in a corner of my heart lies a faint hope of reconcilation. Cos i really really love her man. I reaffirmed/rediscovered this during my recent trip to China, whenever for some reason i start to think about her so many times a day in the final few days. A lame explanation may be because I was in her ancestors' hometown towards the end. Does this mean that she has become part of my life? These recollections about our past would half-the-times bring direct emo-ness, while on the other occasions bring a short-lived laughter before the eventual sadness. Though I sometimes do wonder if i'm really missing her or the things we do (ie. paktor), I'm quite certain that I do still like her and miss her.

When i returned, I turned to xt to discuss if i should get sh back. All this while I've been hoping/assuming that she still has feelings, and probably that's the reason that the reality still hit me hard even though I had already been exposed to this possibility. Yes, I dont know if xt went to tell her, but sh decided to turn to this topic straight, and she said that its no longer possible. It was so straight and clear-cut that I have no idea, or even courage, how to authenticate if her words were real and to rebut her in a desperate attempt to salvage matters. And it really hit hard to hear it from her, to know how someone you have loved, and believed to love you as much, and so close could fully "convert" your status to a "normal friend" and let go in a matter of 2+ months or shorter. I feel really disappointed, and xin1 han2. Do i really mean that little to her? Maybe girls are wired differently, but in my theory, even if you have let go, u would probably would still flashbacks about the happy times? And that I believe should bring you some extent of Xiang3 nian4. But now shes like totally forgotten about everything. Yea, i know you can easily rebut my theory as my wishful thinking. But I'm indeed beaten and disappointed.

Now i cant help wonder sometimes if she despise me as "the-guy-who(desperately/pesteringly)-tried-to-get-back-with-me-but-got-rejected". I really still have feelings for her and I dont want to turn that love into hate. But i guess i only have myself to blame. There is this eerie sense of opposite deja vu, in the sense that at the start she was the one who's carrying hope of reconcilation but i dao-ed her, trying to make her si3 xin as i thought it would be best. And now i should be happy that i've gotten my initial aim, but instead i realise that deep-in-my-heart i probably want her back. Is this retribution? Did i got cursed by my own doings? Or its simply a joke that heaven played on me? Whatever it is, I dont know how long it'll take but I'm sure it'll not be short, I hope I'll pull through this. At the same time, I hope she really means it instead of just tyring to make me give up. I dont want her to walk in my shoes.

To sum it all up, what happened to ys and deb is not a norm, it's a miracle. And for the romantic and sweet-ending tv plots, they are fairy tales that would wont come true. At least they didnt for me this time round.

Add ons: & i wonder how i ended up worse than i started with. Before she fell in love with me, she told me i could wait for her though she didnt want me to because its unfair. But at least she gave me the chance then. Now, theres not even a chance

2009-03-15T14:39:00.002+08:00

Have i say this before? nvm i'll jus say it agn if i have alrd done so. i shld have turned on my com and blogged whenever i feel lik doing so. cos wait till lik when i on my com (i felt lik blogging.but nw its lik 3hrs fr den n aft a nap),de feeling is no longer intense, tts provided i still rmb wad i 1ed 2 write la.

Anw i rmb most of wad i 1ed 2 write 2day, i guess. I had a wkend duty ytd. My 1st wkend complex duty. But jus 1 of it made me c thru a lot of stuff...tts if i'm nt overly sensitive la. No 1, she's continuing to sms q few, much fewer dan last time during sch (nvm de fact tt dose sms may or may nt b 2 me). It reali hurts, tho i noe shes reali bz at times. but sometimes i'm reali puzzled, cos she can hav lik long brks or free time n still no sms came. 2 b fair, a possible explanation is tt she dinno deres a sms or she 4gt 2 reply, which is acceptable...cos tt happens 2 me q often 2:x But yea, its esp disappointing when de "gd nite" msges dun get replies. She used 2 revert with even sweeter stuff, if nt at least jus affirmation of wad i said or asked. But nw, its nearly totally nth. N if deres a sms b4 she slp or early nxt morn, its jus a "i'm gg 2 slp nw" or "gd morn" style msg.

No 2, i had q a boring duty day/nite. wif so much lag time when i jus sit n stone. I clearly rmb me asking de guys 2 call me but no call came leh. I thot probably dey were 2 engrossed wiffootball or dey had a fun time tt dey din rmb. But i did tell dem a few times. n in de end, i hav 2 er....yin zhe tou pi 2 call n ask how dey were doing. Perhaps cos i reali din mind 2 b dere ba... ok shant continue. Its nt tt graceful a thing 2 tok abt rite?

But hmm, perhaps its nt so bad aft all. Mayb its jus a way..(mayb by fate) to let me feel better, to feel tt i shld choose de overseas route more....

2009-03-01T00:25:00.002+08:00

argh...i actually forgot what i wanted to write...again. (if u have noticed, i'm typing in proper full english. one of the few times, if not the first.) yea, i often have quite some thoughts that i thought could blog (wide variety,emo stuff, "think-too-much-stuff", just some random comments, and maybe happy stuff once in a while?) and when i come online, i'll be too lazy to even log in to blogger, or i'd have forgotten much of the fine details (yea, my thoughts zoom right down to the exact words of what to write...).

Anyway i roughly remember that its something about my birthday. Yea its because that its about this "important" topic, that i'm typing in better language. Haha. so, it should be, from what i can remember, something like: "Are 20th birthdays very different? Hmm maybe for me only..." By the way, i have gotten my first present already!!4 days in advance!!!ok, second, if you count the treat by my colleagues (Though its really a small treat of less than $6 by 6 people! I didnt know they'll be treating. But nevertheless i still was full then, so couldnt eat much....nothing much more than an ice yuan yang and toast with peanut butter and condensed milk.) Oh ya, and of course, credits to the dinner treat by my uncle and aunty who were the very ones that gave me the first official present. So back to the present. Yea, i dont know if i should feel happy about getting it, or getting more (if there are) over the next few days. But i guess i would feel more excited over the presents, as the days past? I'll try to open them on the actual day itself. But that's not the main point of concern. The important consideration is whether i should just enjoy myself this coming wednesday (i'll be getting an off!), or i should just get myself
occupied in stuff in an attempt to forget about the 'occasion'. Though it'll be quite futile - my family would sure proceed with the annual must-have cake-cutting ceremony. But my rationale is that i dont want to turn 20 (ok dont laugh, i know it sounds stupid), or more of i dont want to grow old just like every other year since my 16th birthday. but this time is doubly scarier because i'm hitting a different digit in the tens position (ok thats an awkward expression). Initially its just felt like i dont want to get older, as usual. But an unusual thought just struck me today. 20, means just 10 more years and i'll hit the "ideal marriage age"? to think i was just discussing this marriage age thing with my friend today. Yea, 10 years, that seems really short now. How can i establish a stable and reasonably successful career in a decade, which a part already would be taken up by studies? Ok i think it'll eventually boil down to my same topic of "the dilemma in life" which i always find it occuring on myself, and which i often thought i still havn't blogged about it. Well, i guess i just have to....think less. Shruggs...

Why do i feel so much like sy today? as in the style of blogging. ok, other than the language la, his's much superior. Haha.

Ok, i hope i'll blog more, get the chance to blog more. but that's provided i get to use the computer more...nowadays. in the meantime, i shall just relax and enjoy my last episode of hotshot, the idol drama which i think have replaced ""mr fighting" or "west-side story" as my number 1...

An experience

2008-10-10T01:33:00.003+08:00

I've finally been to a wake. ok not that I'd been looking forward to one, I dont think anyone in the right mind is eager to go for 1. Its just that my dad has quite frequently (actly not 4 now, more of last time) been saying that he has wakes to attend. Thus my curiosity has sort of been sparked off. And today was the lesson of my life. Or rather the first (sad to say, such things are inevitable).

The arrival at the hdb void deck actually made my heart pumped faster. Unsure of whether its my fear of doing something wrong, or perhaps stressed by the solemn setting, I thought i was shivering a little as i lit the joss stick. It was a rather old photo, inferred from the big spectacles frames and lens. Maybe the blinding of Uncle is the reason for the lack of recent photos. Initially, I have planned to briefly "tell" uncle how I actually got to know his son. But seeing that my seniors all made there praying so brief, I followed suit. The coffin was closed, but my thoughts cant help running when i past it.

Then was the donation of the "white gold" (bai jin) which actually eased my suspicions of whether snr's gf was a good one. She was actually there. Not sure for how long already, but she was helping out. That really left me nothing to say. I thought most wouldnt even think about that, considering that death is a big taboo and deemed by most as inauspicious. I handed $10 more than what I initially planned as I thought snr's family is not that well to do. And this is probably the only time i can help them for I foresee he wont ask for help (financially, should he needs) from his close friends, much less me. Moreover, he's been a really good senior. One of my closest. I would never forget the time he stood up for me when another senior was on his usual "bullying" spree.

We then sat down. Drinks were served, and the candies and peanuts on the table were consumed. Snr offered food, and we accepted half-heartedly as we were quite paiseh for the trouble. Surprisely there werent curry chicken, which i thought was a must at wakes. Soon, the area become almost fully packed. I saw the responsible side of snr. No wonder Jen said he changed a lot from the playful guy in secondary school. He was quite serious at first, with little smiles and eyes perhaps red from the shou ye or you-know-what-else reason. He was constantly paying attention for new guests, whose arrival would see him standing up at once and attending to them at the altar. So that was him, standing up, sitting down for a minute, and standing up again. I felt tired for him that I wanted to tell him to take a rest, but I know he had to do that. As the people increased, I wondered if that was good. Would uncle be happy seeing that so many people had came to see him for the last time? But this idea was later doubted confusingly. The noise level increased. The guests were all indulged in chats, probably to catch up how one another are. Our table was no exception either, as we broke into discussions about the old times in school and gym. But several questions surfaced in my mind. Shouldnt we be here for one purpose? But at that moment, I realised that the "person-of-concern" seemed to have taken the back seat and sort of "forgotten". Is this the right thing to do? Only remembering that person and mourn the pity of the loss of him. And after that, all this thrown aside? That should be a family/friend gathering rather than a wake isnt it? Worse still, I actually saw many smiling faces, while some even made their laughter heard. The only "right" thing at that instant would perhaps be the absense of mahjong tables, a common sight at wakes. That was why I was quite restrained with my smiles and actually quite reluctant to talk much especially during the first few moments. But the solemn mood probably faded, soon, into the background, with the soft scripture chanting played by a device like a tape player.

But looking at it from another point of view, this is perhaps a good thing, whether or not intended. The sad ambience has, and should, come to an end. The family should pick themselves up and let go of the what's painful. And the liveliness brought by the guests can actually aid this as the thought is distracted from the minds of the family members, at least for that instant. At that time, I suddenly thought of a lesson from dramas. Cliche as it may sound, it is certainly right. We should let go of what's gone, and focus on the ones present.

Hmmm death never seems to fail to trigger my so many thoughts, though many are sad and pessimistic ones. That's probably another reason I shouldnt be a doctor. Shruggs.....

Whatever it is, i hope snr and his family can be strong and live this through soon. And once again, I've reminded of the unpredictability of life. I shall cherish everyday and everyone left around me. Or at least learn to....

Last chalet?Not reali a fun 1

2008-07-20T23:53:00.002+08:00

So the last chalet ended. Ok i change my words. Probably the last, tho i certainly hope its not. Actly just nw when i was talking to my aunty, i then realised ea work as i spoke abt de girls gg 2 uni. They'll start a new life. And likely, we'll all drift apart, as they get to noe a new circle of fwens, mayb even closer, or the other half. Not forgetting they'll be busier with projects,assignment n stuff. For now, i just hope we still can maintain the wkly outings for those closer to me. You gals may not want sch to start, i tink we dont want tt either....

Actually i felt the urge to blog this afternoon, cos i wasnt really happy (far fr what i hoped n expected) n din really enjoy the chalet. Its sad, a pity. Shruggs. I have a lot alot of thoughts. By myself, and also those caused by the drama tang xin feng bao i watched in the afternn. Ok, to sum up what happened, i just became super cold n attitude to her (ok i was emo ok?if u 1 me 2 admit). But its cos i was actually a bit saddened by the reactions i received. Ok, i noe they may not be on purpose at meant tha way. But they just hit me anw, n i cant help it. I have never held her hand for more than a week. and its just very hurting when the hand is pulled away when u just managed to come into contact. and sometimes when i jus hold her,wanting to talk,she just ran away. Mayb she scared de others c or wad. But wads making me confused is tt she was quite playful n gt leaned on me on the 1st nite chat session. Sy even said he felt so hapi 4 me la cos so sweet. Shruggs. Then i just cldnt ctrl. I dunno. I noe i acted lik a jerk. She did so much 4 me. She shopped n cooked 4 me. It was q a chore n took q long, b4 she even prepared her own meal. Yea, I'm really gan dong, gan xie n gan ji. The 2nd day i wanted to cook myself so badly cos i thot i din deserve her cooking n neither did i want to be her burden tt stop her fr enjoying the bbq. But the whole time i reali got no feel. Lik no sweetness of love. I wonder why also.

Tts abt all i felt in chalet ba. I noe its ironic, but s much as i chose my own actions, i really feel very bad n guilty over wad i did. I noe i really dont deserve her. Wad Sy n others praised abt her is fully true. Shes really a true catch tts so rare now. But i gave her much less in comparison, sth she dun deserve. Mayb i cant give her hapiness. I dont have it here. But i like her, serious. Can someone teach me how to love her? How am i just supposed to do it?

I was quite connected and touched by tang xin 2day. Besides all the crying in de main family, I learnt sth very impt. From alfred and chang zai xin. They just dun communicate enough. And its really an impt thing man. Alfred so much wanted to ask for forgiveness but he din. And Chang zai xin actly so much wanted to said that she alrd forgave him. N she din say too. So they just remained lik this, unsolved. Lik i told her, we must learn fr this lesson. Cos if only both parties had said what they felt, everything wld be diff n much finer.

I know this will end up as a rhetorical question, but can somebody just tell me what to do??!?! I'm sorry for saying so many sorries. But i'm really very lost....as always

*anw i'm sometimes puzzled what she does online. Lik always tak q a while to reply but still always say lik not bz. i dunno, v confused

2008-06-21T01:15:00.003+08:00

Wow its been really a long time since i last blogged. And ironically i've been saying tt q a few times alrd i tink. Actly I sort of wanted to blog the past few days abt stuff lik the dilemmas i face in life now, but i was too lazy (I din even turn on the com). Anw,I'm blogging from lix's hse.

And this is super mao dun man. I just sent a silly girl to slp. She refused to say "bye" cos she din want to hang up. And was insisting that i hang up w/o her saying bye. I eventually did, relunctantly and thats the 1st time i had done that. And lix fell aslp while waitin for me to hang up. So now both of them shld have drifted into dream land, while i'm left all alone here tormented by gastric. Tt silly girl must have hated me. While i dunno how this is enjoyin my last moments with lix b4 he leaves.

Anw, the issue of dilemmas....I dunno actly. Been facing them in all parts of my life. But sometimes is not between choosing what u want eventually, n thus is not caused by our wants of the best of both worlds. cos in some cases, the end result will be the same. a simple eg would be if i 1 2 go overseas, then i nid (argh sux, i suddenly dun have the feel to type) to chu li my gan qing. Shld i go out more wif the silly girl cos nxt time no chance le;or shld i go less cos i shld let both of us slowly get used to seeing less of the other. u noe wad i mean? its jus super shitty to make this kinda choice la. N it jus occurs that i cant decide n end up dragging.

2008-03-23T20:09:00.002+08:00

I'm going crazy already. My relationship is in the rocks. 1 of the most serious times (actually the few times all about the same severity). But its certainly the most long-lasting times.

She just doesnt want to say anything. She herself sensed trouble already. And I'm quite sure she knows what's happening. At least she shouls have the clue ba. Because I think I should be feeling quite fine now. But she just says she dont know anything. And she doesnt want to talk. Super downing right. 1, 2-lines messages in exchange for your 1 full message. Apparently she is feeling down, and moody. And as Ly suggested reasons which are equally demoralising. She said till like nothing's the problem with sh not talking. Maybe Ly is genuinely trying to suggest causes.

I'm not complaining la. I'm just trying to say what I feel out. If not I'll explode. But I cant really type a full account. Because I'm quite stressed up by the 3 interviews coming up. And those are actually probably the reasons behind everything. I neglected her because of the applications.

Ly said I just probably can only continue to try to make sh talk. Yea, that's about the only way till I get to go out with her. But that's seriously a tough job. Yesterday's phone call was the most silent ever. You dont know how bad I felt after the call. It's worse than before the call. And I'm very scared. She'll probably just continue to say there's nothing and she's ok. But 1 thing I know, if I just "believe" her and act like nothing is wrong, soon its "bye bye" (to say it in her style) already. It's really that gloomy for me. I dont want to lose her. I really dont.

2008-01-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

Hey i'm out of confinement!!!i've survived the 2 wks!!!! but actly its just 2.5 days s a full BMT PES B soldier. Cos i become an OOT. 1st in Ninja of my batch!!!! N also a saikang warrior hu wrks hard but most ppl cant c n tink u r a slacker.

shant tok much abt army cos i got write diary (more of jus events log), n its sensitive .....u noe.

Now i'm super scared, n worried. Both 4 my bro, n myself. He din do well 4 his O lvls. I tink he 1ed 2 go jc le. N now hes super sad n disappointed. His tchr called him. He teared. I expected it. I probably wld hav 2. Dun reali c him cry 4 dese few yrs, nt even @ my grddad's wake. N now hes lik havnt let it go la. I dunno, i'm v afraid. Its jus me n esp so 4 dis time. My fears r not unfounded. I c myself in him. I'm scared dis me will come soon. freak

2007-12-29T01:22:00.000+08:00

Argh i typed a msg of gratitude on my hp but no time 2 type now. Cos i promised my dear dear 2 slp @ 130 but i'm still fixing my ipod 1/2 way.

Anw i jus wanna say ytd i felt so lucky n thankful to have her agn. And dis time its even more intense. Cos cx was saying de 1st day of sch ppl were alrd saying "ay u noe tt ny girl super chio 1. The one called sh. Neh, de 1 carrying de red crumpler." Oh man, i hav nvr heard tt b4 in sch ( guess cos i'm low profile n i mix wif de rite ppl haha) but u can imagine when i hear tt fr cx. Ok i admit i was a little uncomfortable, but i seriously felt so honoured n great 2 b have her la. Its lik u hav the almost nicest girl that not 1, but almost everyone has been talking abt, having their heads turned (head turner s said by cx). And yea man, shes wif me. Ok a bit hard 2 believe. A bit lik dreaming. but v sweet 2. tts de feeling. So s i've told her ytd, i'll seriously cherish her...

2007-12-26T02:05:00.000+08:00

i dunno, deres no time left. but, i'm not sure abt dis, i seem 2 be de onli 1 tt care abt de time left. mayb most ppl cant c de urgency, cos stelli also said deres still time even aft enlistment. tts nt wad i c anw.......

2007-12-14T15:29:00.001+08:00

actly i did finished planning. Everything, ok almost everything. I have the program up for tonite. I noe what 2 do when we were there. But i'm not sure, u din seem v excited or keen. I was, cos heard abt sentosa s a gd place 4 dating n jus nice i got the card, so can bring u ard, lik 2 de cable car. But guess its jus hard to get tian shi, di li ren he.

hmm, n 1/2 a mth. Not much time. 1 wk i'll be in china. And 1 more wk, hu noes wad may crop up...illness, parents dun allow, work n stuff.

Nvm abt it, cant b helped. Maybe i'll realise my plan 4 today, myself

2007-12-14T02:15:00.000+08:00

Argh i jus remembered 2day that I havnt wrote my diary of the Thailand trip!!!I procrastinated for so long! Anw i'm sick now. But it was a cute n romantic way of falling sick la, no regrets:)

Sori sy, gonna copy wad u did.
here's my dear dear...

2007-12-09T04:10:00.000+08:00

Just wanna let u noe that I havnt forgiven myself, and wont in the near future at least....or maybe nvr. And I'm really cant think of anything to punish myself cos i'm really guilty and remorseful. Yea but nth to be done. Cos i noe de mistake is too great to be redeemed. I'd promised not to let u cry, but yet it happened just a few days.

I've thot about staying away from u (sori i noe dis way sux, n i'm nt sups to even tink abt it), so that i wun hurt u agn, and s a punishment. But i guess that will hurt u too rite?

So ya, i think the only way i can TRY to make up a little, is to treat u better. Yea, u may say its too early to say n promise, but i'lldo my best to cherish u. at least i have this to remind me every now and den.

2007-12-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

anw sth 2 add, i dunno wad i shld say now on blog haha. it just feel kinda wierd. but yeechong say couples shld b best of soulmates n share everything. N yea, he said in love (instead of lust), the 2 parties have to share every little single freaking darkest secret that u hav!! n sy says tts de ideal case. But i still dun agree anw.

Btw (u arent sups 2 c dis, ideally) i dunno y, felt quite unez when i c her so close wif zy 2day. its lik even closer dan wif me? ok jus my thots n pls pls pls pls pls dun b affected (@ all) by my comments. cos i noe i'm often 2 sensitive.

gd nite guys.

2007-12-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

oh well, so u've discovered my blog....4 quite some time huh? Erm, welcome haha. Actly, i'm just tinking if i shld still type some emo stuff tt i typed on my hp. De content's long overdue n invalid. N yea, lik u n sy said, "wad 4 read sth tts inapplicable, it'll onli mak u emo". Yea n so i'm struggling (btw it took me quite some time 2 get de chi words typed out on fone). Anw b4 i can even type here "ok u still havt reply my msg 4 now", ur msg just came!!! Haha ok maybe tts fate. Ok i dunno wad rubbish i'm blurting.

But anw tml's prom!! My 1 and onli!! Actly i wasnt excited n din care much @ 1st. but i guess all this hype n money-spending spree (believe me, its crazy n scary how much u guys can spend 4 1 occasion) has gotten me a little excited. I guess i'm gonna b 1 of de most casual since i'm wearing jeans. but i bet sure have ppl doing tt 2. N i'm proud 2 say i've renewed ys record, n i tink i'm currently de lowest spender (i tink) 4 prom. With a record low of S$10 for a tie. I'm gd rite? beat tt man (ok my bro beat me hands dn with $0).

tts all 4 2 nite folks. I tink i'll b super bz dis super short, last holidays. But every1 seems 2 tink i'm super free w/o a job. So dey r pushing all de sht 2 me, n tts making me bz

2007-11-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

Just tok to her on the fone. Din hav much to tok. She doesnt 1 to tell, i dun1 to ask again. I duno y she doesnt want to say. Mayb she dun1 to tok abt wads past.

But i reali want to noe. @ least i noe whr i went wrong. I noe i was in the wrong. 我一点也没好过。I'm not trying to show you how guilty i'm so that u'll 4give me. But I'm feel reali reali bad. As in i noe i did v v wrong. But i'm not sure wad i noe abt wad i did wrong was all i did wrong or not (ie mayb i did more wrong dan i noe). N now i tink i reali cant face you. Cos i reali dui bu qi ni. I tink i'm not worthy of u. Although i din hurt u on purpose but it mayb its jus not me to be so caring (but i'll change). & i'm so scared i'll hurt u agn n agn. Its lik 2day onli when i left wif ys, then i realised i shldnt have jus left u dere lik tt. U noe i'm tinking mayb u r better off w/o me. But sy scolded when i told him tt. He said i'm alrd part of ur life. He said i shld giv u hapiness, wif me s part of it. I dunno how relevant is it cos i dunno if u feel that way too.

But i'm jus totally lost now. If only some1 can giv me some directions...

我不配
作词:方文山作曲:周杰伦
这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪
在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿
又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅
隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细
写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉已经不对
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略你不过要人陪
这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美
我不配

2007-11-14T20:18:00.000+08:00

dunno y, just got a random thot. 2day i was wonderin when ppl say "finally its over!!". Was their "everything" refering to exams, written paper, long paper, or simply econs? I'm quite so very glad its over also. Dunoo if it was ez. @ 1st i thot was ok, but when qin said den i rem i dun even noe wad de qn asking. Jus anyhow spam, so mayb totally wrong. jus hope i wun hav to touch econs agn

2007-11-13T18:16:00.000+08:00

GG. jus 2 letters for my econs (& mayb maths, or mayb even my As). I died, badly, for essay 2day. misread qn, onli discovered n rewrote wif less than 1/2 the time left. n jus realised the worst thing u can do: draw wrong diagram. Mrs Tan told me b4 tts conceptual error which will be heavily penalized. & its the exact diagram i drew wrongly the last blk test!!!argh freak. jus hope de marker's...erm, dunno blur, or possessed that he/she will jus mark it rite.

Mayb its my crow mouth keep saying bad stuff then reali come true la. so now i dun dare anyhow say le, @ least not until all the exams over. & i'm considering sth ridiculous for nxt yr.

Things arent seem to be right for me. Exams, relation (looks lik it has hit rock bottom. Lik u noe, wad may happen to china hus enjoying such huge economy boom).....n my leg hurts. dunno if its getting worse

2007-10-22T00:11:00.000+08:00

2day some1 said although she c me awhile onli last nite, but she still v hapi！N when i heard tt can u imagine how hapi/an wei i felt? I'd nvr imagine any girl telling me tt in my life la (no, nt i expect no1 tell me in my life. jus tt i havnt imagined tt up till nw). Anw when i saw her i always v hapi tt i smiled out even @ a dist away la. I guess dis is luv? u noe ytd aftnn i miss her so much i feel lik seeing her immediately la. N guess wad jus when i was tinking of whether 2 ask her 2 meet, she msg me 2 ask me meet @ nite!!jinx!Is this called telepathy?haha. Anw we held hands & i saw we saw our parents car la. That time i reali got de shock of my life la!I could literally feel my heart miss 1 beat lor. Lik u can feel ur chest muscle contract super hard. N den i jus felt so lost (aft which i felt guilty la,cos i was de guy ytd so cowardy) n panicky n start tinkin how. But luckily it wasnt my car!haha

But shes reali a very very nice girl. If i reali get 2 b wif her i tink i'm v v lucky lor. Not jus cos shes a v v gd catch, but also (back 2 dis though i noe i shldnt say) cos i'm reali an avg guy wif nth. I'm reali lik Qin Lang in Zhuan Jiao Yu Dao Ai lor.

But 2day Yu Xin Lei scolded Xin Lang (& me) lor. She say “你可以有信心一点吗？请你再爱一个人的时候，有信心一点！”。 I'll do my best la.

Anw, i've fallen in love with 完美型男。Mayb cos it jus reflect what i hope 2 be. Yea 2 b de perfect guy 4 her.
曲：完美型男
歌手：罗志祥专辑：speshow
为了看你笑我练习笑话幽默感觉
为了内涵我把世界名著全都看完
以你为中心太阳绕着月球旋转
朋友说我们在一起感觉超赞baby
为了陪你我爱上溜狗周末不加班
不靠胡渣肌肉配件项链讨你心欢
你真的快乐是我唯一在乎的装扮
有你的爱我就是完美的型男
every time i show u all my love
every time i love u in my style
我想做爱情中完美的型男
对你好no.1
every time i give u what u need
every time i hold u next to me
我想做最爱你的完美型男
全世界学不来

2007-10-21T02:13:00.000+08:00

everything's all well agn. Thank goodness. Nth much, jus a little stormy weather ytd. But she eventually told me truthfully wad happen. so that i can tak note. She said i did sth that reminded her of him. Then she v scared i'll b lik him. But she said she thot abt it n decided i wun b lik tt. So i guess its a gd thing. tks 4 ur trust anw:)

gt 1 post i typed in my hp. 1ed post last time. dunno still shld or not, cos a bit nt relevant le. but i tink mayb i still shld. @ least till i lazy 2 type further den i stop la.so here it goes: 也不知为何她好像正尝试接受我。因为我一直都比较相信一见钟情，不怎么相信感情是可以培养的。其实我很想告诉她不要因为感动还是感激才接受我而应该喜欢我才接受，但我不敢说，因为我怕她本来没发现这一点的，但就因为我说才察觉到儿真地离开。

but all's fine now!!! n i guess we progressing so super fast ( a lot of ppl say tt, n quite surprised by tt actly) tt a lot of things i 1 say but v fast expire le.

nvm. gonna As soon

2007-09-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

我真的真得很乱。不知道你心里在想什么。一直叫我不要误会。你是否知道每说一次我就痛一次？你既然这么怕，一开始就不要叫我坦白了嘛。我现在也不知你的感觉和想法到底是怎样....但放心，既然你都说得那么清楚了，我是不会再误会了。你对我得好，就当作是我欠的人情。能的话我会还得。

2007-09-16T17:28:00.000+08:00

Hai, yet another competitior. & this was so unexpected cos he alrd liked her once and dun anymore. Then he returned to lik her agn. To think he once said he wun lik a girl aft he stop liking her, even if she likes him aft tt. & i was totally caught off guard n i was telling him stuff abt dis n even told him 2 read here. tts y deres some changes now. But i wun tell her la. Cos i of cos dun 1 her 2 fall 4 him. actly tts ok la, but i also dun1 2 jeopardise his chances. Say, mayb he got some strategy like some surprise confession or wad...so better let him do it himself.

& i finally found an idol drama tts relevant 2 me. not totally la, but de nearest ever. 转角*遇到爱。Its about this nt v rich nor outstanding guy, 秦郎 (小猪）, liking a once rich girl 4gt her character name (小S). At least its not another of the v rich or smart guy playing hard 2 get n de girl will chase aft him. I dun hav tt kinda qualities.

N aft last nite of tinking, i have some words 4 her. though dun reali 1 her 2 read, cos it may mean gameover, but if any of my buddies feel that she shld, can tell her lor:

其实我不知道你为何要走出当初的第一步，也不知道你那一步走得对吗。你说我们要坦白才有机会。我们当天在你的推动下做到了，但你好像突然停了下来。我们也好像被打回原型。

但看起来，好像不该走那一步。因为现在少得你的推动，我不知应该如好走下去。不知应该做什么，不该做什么。不知我们的关系是怎样，也不知你的感觉如何，不知你要或不要什么。

若我放弃的话，猜也猜得到你应该不会有什么感觉吧。但假如你会的话，可以当我好像仔仔在戏里一样（你知道我在说什么）。至少少了一个人烦你。可能老天觉得我是时候从这美丽的梦中醒来吧.....

2007-09-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

今天是我们学校MAF庆祝会。我这个星期那么期待的这一天就这样过了。但我班反应不错，来的人还比我预料中多。
我也成功邀请她跟我跳舞（虽然没面对面问她）。跳的时候感觉真的真得很好。这次是第二次，但应该比上次好多吧。几乎不想停下来哈哈。

但之前和之后心情不是说特别的愉快。之前呢...也不知道她突然跑去和onion干什么。但应该是在有人（保密）跟我说些东西后，心情才突然就好像不由自己地慢慢走下坡。那个人问了她待会儿会跟谁跳舞，但她说了一句“不知道”。值得一点开心的是哪个人接着问“他吗？”，而她回答了“应该是吧”我想我要知足吧，因为也没资格要那么多。那个人于是叫我再去问她，但没什么机会，当然也没胆量。

而之后呢.....很不幸的，我这样的故事就应该成为了今天最完美的结局吧。但心情好象怎样都不这么快乐的起来。可能是我太悲观了吧，总是只往坏的想；或是看太多深情密码而受影响了；也可能因为被sy影响;但主要应该是兄弟们个个都不开心吧。一个一开始就不能和他理想的舞伴跳舞，另一个也不清楚发生什么事，但总之蛮严重就对了。最后一个本来是最可能有完美结局的。哪知道人算不如天算，哪知道跳到一半舞伴就跑了，害得他非常狼狈（那种感觉我也尝试过）。今晚发生的就这样，但相信很多人都看不到。

关于深情密码，本来以为戚伟易（仔仔）的故事蛮浪漫的，也非常希望自己的会像这样，但突然害怕...怕反而会想左均（许志安）的这样：一位心爱的女生最终会和自己在一起，但怎知道女生只是繁衍他，心里已慢慢喜欢上另一个男生。那种感觉一定很痛苦也很无奈.....

2007-08-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

oh yea. so so long din properly blog. I still rem i said 1ed 2 tok abt last yr's comp or sth (or was it de yr b4?:s) but i keep procrastinating. And then, dis yr's comp past! Anw, contrary to popular belief ( including by ourselves, we believed SJI will thrash our C div, except mayb Wang Lao Shi who prefer 2 deceive himself; n we all thot A div will get whack by RJ er cos we havnt given in our best, n dey r pro 2), we swept de TRIPLE GOLDS!!!! yes tks every1. n i was expecting a hero's welcom back 2 sch hah.

but i was actually sent away fr de comp grounds by an ambulance! Yea i injured my knee s many wld hav known by now. So on tt day i was competing floor. I was actually quite cheerful cos i thot it'll b hard 2 win (our scores got freaking squeezed on de very 1st day. ok i shant harp on tt). But i started getting cooled (its raining) dn n impatient cos i waited so long standing dere. Den i kept gg thru my routine in my head cos i noe i sure 4gt headspring n press up (Nb i havnt tried my full routine once). Den i went up, n 1st move 540.....i stood(its lik i onli stood de last time outta de many i tried during warmup)!!But i felt a sharp pain in my left knee. My 1st thot "完了，断了/脱臼了”. I struggled 2 stand tinking i fall den gone case (da fell twice n i was sups 2 try pull his marks). I stood n thot if i can cont, den my leg gave way n i jus collapsed. But anw, 2 all my jnrs n fwens, though i din finish flr (i did try 2 c if i can aft tt ok, but i cldnt even walk), i competed pommel aft tt even though i hopped my way up(upon discouragment fr judges n coach)!N i was tryin 1 move so hard during warms tt asnarwi told me 2 relax. ok, when i reached TTSH, de doc say bone's alrite, but its a joint prob. She said mayb tendon, ligament or cartilage.

Nvr did i expect its tt bad. Ytd i went 2 ortopaedic 4 follow up. He sent me 2 some MRI scan nxt wk, n say probably ligament or cartilage torn den mayb nid surgery:S Anw guess i shldnt regret doing gym. It was de last time anw. But i'm worried abt my studies, whether my leg will affect nxt time n army. Gonna pray hard i guess....

2007-08-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

Apt song, both literally n figuratively.

残废 - 吴克群
爱里行动不便
追不上你的美
脚步再快跟不上你的嘴
分开我骗了谁
想擦掉你的脸
擦不掉痛却更明显
你说你要的世界
在很远我不了解
分手就分手
别把话说得太美
我像个残废
飞不出你的世界
借不到一点安慰
为什么你拼命后退
退到了边界
结果我没了知觉
就连痛都嫌浪费
在爱里残废
非弄得伤痕累累
累到我无力再追
最怕你突然要挽回
回到了原点
原点却又像终点
然后多痛一遍

2007-06-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

found 1 song tt best describe me....till now la

王子
歌手：张栋梁专辑：王子
词:小王子花轮曲:小王子
灰色的天空落下了悲伤
伪装了兵荒马乱遍地伤
沉默的月光惆怅着过往
泛黄了江山红窗泪激昂
一步一步踏着腐败
一口一口吸进尘埃
独自一人孤军奋战模糊的未来
我是孤傲的王子做我的故事
用泪稀释的往事渐渐消失
我是孤傲的王子优雅的固执
用我倔强的方式尽情放肆

我独自一步一步一步一步地踏着腐败
一口一口一口一口地吸进尘埃
过去现在明天未来我是否还在
我不我不我不我不敢期待
独自一步一步一步一步地踏着失败
一口一口一口一口地拒绝伤害
过去现在明天未来我是否还在
我不我不我不我不敢期待

2007-06-01T02:49:00.000+08:00

so long din blog. so much 2 say.

my ye ye passed away. i mourned. tts y i wore de black jacket (not cos i act seh) n ate vegetarian for 3 days.

dance nite over. nth left.

n yea, our class disappointed me yet agn. (i shall spare what i intended 2 say initially)

its so hard to hav a nice bday, get ppl 2 celeb it real nice wif u. n its equally hard 2 celeb it 4 ppl 2...i've realised. since my not so pleasant bday xp, i hav decided 2 @ least try 2 giv my gd fwens nice bdays. but i've tried 4 2. both r booked b4 hand. n mine?i tried bking de others. in de end onli 3 masculine souls. nvm, mayb i jus dun hav fwens. pathetic _l_

2007-04-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

我难过..

woohoo! tml is my 1st n last ever syf!!!ok it is 2 many ppl also( i jus recall its once in 2 yrs) . my role is actually quite small la. jus flip. ie i m not dancing @ all!! haha. n my stage time is jus abt 10-20 secs!!pathetic rite? so small tt i dun even tink we r considered s dancers la(ie our names r not submitted @ all)but we v pia for de last few trgs leh. though our trg times r nth compared 2 de modern ppl. but yea we did put in effort n time. n we miss our dear tramp comp also la!!n risk injuries somemore. de 1st time flipping barefooted left my heels injured 4 2 wks!!n now i hav a bleeded toe nail, problematic ankle n screwed knee haha. n tml i m gonna risk it once again. but i guess its quite worth it la. de xp (i learnt more about modern n some poses). de fwenship. de instructor, Mr Dan has sorta touched me since.n de guys r all so 客气 (which makes me feel wierd cos lik 外人 lik tt). n wadever it is, i jus hope everything goes well 4 me, koony, n every single 1 of us of HC Modern dance. n hope our goal - Gold With Honours come true. jia you, jia you, jia you!

2007-04-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

一个人流浪(校园偶像剧终极一班插曲)
歌手：飞轮海
没人了解
才选择隔绝这世界
有点疲倦
已决裂的信念
白色球鞋
走不回喧闹的海边
月光营火照亮许多笑脸
疯狂画面停留在眼前
默契却渐行渐远
我们约好闯荡的那片天
我一个人向前
我流浪在拥挤的从前
复习一页页黑白的空荡夏天
呆坐在热闹的路边
啤酒没变甜
却少了傻得很认真的心愿
我流浪在孤单的边缘
怀念挥霍著笑声的耀眼
蓝天听著那熟悉的音乐
只剩下琴弦
希望让时间回到误解那天
能有机会说声抱歉

i 1ed tell koony 2day but i 4gt. mayb its nt my expectations 2 high. 可能我注定是要一个人。可能这都是天意。。。

2007-04-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

2day was de day. judgement day. yes it has ended. sad 2 say. i sms sori. n ask if she 1 cont sms. but she din reply la. so i guess tts a no though i v strongly feel lik clarifying. but better not i guess. i m not sure wad lies ahead. 4 me....n 4 us. will it b worse or better?

*(added pt) n i dunno y my deepest mem was stil chalet la.besides de "sat-bside-her-2-tok", i stayed bside till she fell aslp. 2 bad dey wun return. n heaven jus 1 2 tease me by giving me a dream tt was exactly wads nw but turned 4 de best. n i thot it was real till i woke up n cleared my mind 4 a while.sux

but i'll rem dis day la. no i wun cry ha. its been quite a while since i last did. but 1 sure thing, is tt i'll hav a lot of spare sms n time fr nw on.

2007-04-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

it is not until 2day tt i relived my memories 3 yrs ago. that cos me 2 hav sorta a phobia 4 4x100m. though i won gold in hz but it was the credits of yuanzhang,kaiming n lawrence la. i rem i could barely finish de 100m. mayb cos of the climate (winter) or probably cos i was jus 2 noob den. 2day i m back onto de trak 4 the same event. n coincidentally (or rather forced) i had 2 run my most feared (last runner is equally bad) 1st runner. i was scared of false start, late or even falling dn when i m getting up. ok mayb i tink 2 much. tts y i get nervous even 4 small csm races (i m nt a trakker ok. i bet i wun b tt nervous if i were 2 participate in interclass gym comp).

i ran 4x400m 1st time in my life. n i tink its de last time most probably i'll run it. 2 much unwillingness i had 2 represent our class 2 make up de nums (i shld hav ran 8x200 tt day la. @ least hav medal la.sy u owe me 1)n i discovered tt de most straining part when u run 400m is not ur legs, but ur stomach!!cos immediately aft i finish my round, my stomach cramped lik sht n i couldnt breathe normally or tok la. but i did ok surprisingly. tks chunkang's strategy i finished my round 2nd but aft tt we got owned la.

n de heats 2day ended badly. though artemis swept 1st 4 guys n girls interfac, n we gt 1st 4 hjump 2. she got 1st. she beat all, including de "threat" she mentioned. den she tried 2 up her results. but she failed la. n it wasnt her personal best. n i know she was v sad den. so den i ran aft her 2 c how she was. she told me she was fine la. n i told her "it was jus csm". "but de issue its not whether its csm or not". sori if i appeared 2 b insensitive, of cos i noe tt. but i was just concerned and trying 2 comfort u la. ok i admit i sux @ tt la. den she sat @ de steeper chase thing so i jus stood dere la. den she suddenly said "i m ok.u can go back nw. i jus 1 2 b alone" (wasnt sure bout de last line but shld b tt s inferred fr drama serials). so i jus gestured some stuff n walk off. i wasnt angry, i was jus disappointed. i werent dere 2 jus c if u were ok. i was dere 4 accompaniment. n i dunno y my day jus spoilt lik tt. its de 1st time i can rem tt i feel sad 4 some1. ironically, i tink she wasnt tt sad aft everything...but i still m

2007-03-27T00:14:00.000+08:00

yea my blks r screwed.seriously. onli myself 2 blame 4 slacking n dillyin-dallying ard 2 much la. but s i told xinwei,if i were given a chance again,i'll most prob do de same. its not up 2 me. i dunno y hav i become uncontrollably less mug n less disciplined even when i nid 2.

anw i m tinking whether 2 paste whole lyrics(lik toon) or jus a few lines. but i tink if whole song also no 1 read line by line 1.
蔡昮佑 - 我可以

我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽是因为你

2007-03-10T00:21:00.001+08:00

to some1: i 1ed 2 write a note 2 u actually. but 2 day was so cropped up wif events n so rushing. n u looked quite fine n cheerful so perhaps its not smart 2 harp on the topic when mayb u hav 4gt bout it.+ i dun tink my note will achieve its aimed effect anw. anw i dunno even noe u lik notes or not also la.cos de last 1 din get any response, so mayb it gt some unintented effect. anw wad i 1 2 say is tt pls share ur troubles if u hav (人类和其他动物不同的是他会隐藏自己的感情）. n dun brood over wad happen last yr or hav past. lastly, sori 4 not being able 2 cheer u up. i guess i m onli a gd listener (which i useless la cos i tink any1 n every1 can do dis) but i dunno how 2 mak ppl happi........tt includes myself

2007-03-10T00:21:00.000+08:00

2007-03-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

i 1ed 2 blog twice but i 4got + 2 lazy + no time. but i shall type it briefly here. if not i wun hav time nxt wk cos it gonna b 1 whole wk of crazy mugging. n i seriously havnt started mugging man. so dun worry guys.

anw 4 my bday post: happi bday 2 myself!!!n happy belated yuan xiao jie 2! its nt reali a v v interesting n uber fun bday celeb. its lik norm but wif a lot more ppl!!so i guess its better comparatively. n 2 collate my prsnts n credits:tks my great mum 4 buying an adidas bag,nike bottle n myuk wallet- de wallet n botl eventually gt changed 2 a billabong wallet; tks 2 my always so gd bro 4 his billabong sling bag (i chided him 4 spending so much $ on dis kinda impractical stuf.his gifts s getting more ex);my cousin eddie 4 the 2 karaoke vcds that we sang so happily even b4 he gav 2 me; ys,yien,lix,chehsien,stelli,joce,seh qin 4 another billabong wallet (did i miss out on any1?cos ys jus told me once); chehsien,lix n ys again 4 de ah beng chain n sock; nice eugene n sy 4 de nike botl (i guess its fate tt i gt back de same botl s above); sweet monica 4 the flower n brkfast (no1 buy bf 4 me b4 except my mum i tink. seriously touched) n de sweet u gave 2day dunnno issit 4 bday; stelli 4 de self-made letter; chengxian for the self-made photo frame wif de cool foto(creative + sincere!); manjun & xiaoqi 4 the as-cute-as-them cd holder;my 4 aunties: Sharon, Perlin, Hoon, Shirley for their ang bao COVER wif the letter that informed me tt their v ex gifts which is supps 2 arrive tml (i m waiting...)

ok i dinno de list is so long!!guess i hav 2 b contented! did i miss out any?sori if i did. will add on if i discover i do when i open my gifts! n i havnt open v day stuff yet! anw i thot gt more prsnts and/or letters la. but mayb dey 2 bz, or i 2 unpopular la. actuali jus a note more fr some1 wld hav made me happy u noe!oo but i gt a record 27 bday sms wishes, of which 3 gt de wrong dates!haha tks anw

4 the nxt day's post: ok dis is de lousiest bday i ever had. cos i expected sth so much better. in de end i spent my bday gg no whr n doing nth but study. n de nxt day which i look so much 4ward 2, turned out wif such disappointing response. 7 ppl 4 lunch n 4 guys 3 bowling. wad can 4 guys say during bowling?it actuali gt quite awkward lor. nvm, i m jus unluved la.

anw tks 2 zhengyan, ys n qin 4 making my day on 5 mar!u guys reali lifted my spirits by touring suntec n then carrefour wif me. n joc, stelli n yien also 4 de meal n yoshi.

n sy i noe how u feel nw. but i dunno issit 2 much assumption on our own part cos based on de 1-sided nature of man, i tink its quite norm 4 1 2 actualy feel he had put in a lot more dan de other. tts wad i alway tink also. but if u enjoy dis (ironically, while being hurt) y not? lik wad u say, jus follow ur heart. @ least u do get something back sometimes. unlike me, nth @ all....
so stay on, stay strong

2007-02-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

I did a damn freaking uber stupid thing 2day. Perhaps arguably the noobiest thing in my life. i sms the wrong sms to the wrong person (no,not -ve -ve = +ve, jus wrong person). n its to the person that i least want to get. nvm. wads done cant b undone. it jus stoned me n made me restless for 40 mins in h3.

my bday coming!!i feel lik gg clubbing b4 i turn 18! ok tts lik so old. i seriously want age 2 stop, now i noe y older ppl used 2 say though u 1 2 grow up faster when young but want time 2 slow dn when u r old. 18 its lik can do a lot of stuff le la. den i can no longer giv excuse 4 nt drinking n nt buying alc, nt buying 4D (n smoking?nah shldnt b possible).....i hav a pre-bday wish, but i tink cant b fulfilled. its 2 go illegal clubbing b4 i turn de legal age!! tts seems 2 b de once in a life time xp 4 me nw ha. n 4 those hus bday passed, sori u'll hav 2 wait till nxt life(n dunno still will hav dis kinda law or not)!!!but 1 is no1 will go wif me, 2 is no time, 3 is will b let in by bouncer or nt.

ok wishlist (if any1 is reading which i tink no): gf (ok jking, i noe i cant get 1...), nice n cool bag (sling bags cooler dan backpacks?but nw lik fashion de big sports bag though nt reali my type, but mayb i'll succumb 2 peer pressure...), new n nice n cool belt, nice water bottle, wallet mayb?
ok if reali gt ppl read, i jking k?jus wish me all de best or mayb small stuff if u 1. n lik wad i said so many times dis yr, i rather every1 buy me a prsnt than a bday cake!!tts more practical rite? cos i c no meaning in celebrating bday in sch canteen wif a cake n singing dde uber fast tempo bday songs in 2 lang n outta tune sommore wif de drag long long last note.

2007-02-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

i m damn freaking tired n damn dn. but still i mus blog. deres a v strong feeling asking me to blog cos so much happen 2day, both happy n unhappy. but generally i tink de day sux though it started looking well man.

1stly sori guys 4 uber emo-ing towards the last part of the reunion dinner. There were some reasons: i was damn tired, i suddenly feel hot n restless, i seriously dun lik the topic (listen still ok but tok.....no esp in front of some1...), i jus keep c-ing sth tt made me damn buay song la. but reali sori 2 dose i scared, dose hu worry bout me. tks a lot man guys.

lets start wif the start of the day. The morn didnt reali bode well. 1 sms last nite asking impt qns ( bout dance) gt dao, den de morn 1 asking same qns also gt daoed. Everything jus seemed so bleak la. lik all hope is lost. cos she din reply suggested rejection n being so popular means deres a high probability of her alr hav a partner. so i went sch, dejected. but den i saw her scissors so i thot i could jus confirm wif her when returning her scissors.so i asked "u hav dance partner alr ah?" n i was geking my heart 2 prep 4 a "er ya". but surprisingly n shockingly, the ans was "no, n sori i 4gt reply ur sms" den i was lik so happy cos i thot tt meant a yes! so i was so happy i go tell a few of us tt i gt dance partner!n i went 2 teach koony fac dance tt i miss all de performances!

so i gt 2 dance wif her la. thot not a lot a lot of eye contact but it was more than the past few times!n i reali happy man. n contented. but i guess human is driven by greed n jealousy.

in KAP, i jus keep seeing the hp light up and she bzily replying away. n wonder hu she gave de straw heart 2. n she dao my sms 2 her aft we left kap. so on the way 2 cityhall i was alr emo-ing.

den thruout the dinner she was still "meng-replying" n "pressing-hp-2-c-gt-sms-or-not)" which was reli pissifying.n i failed all the criterias la "tall (i m nt much taller)", "nice shoulders (whom she specially recommended canoeists), n "sincere (i dunno how sincere i look when i always act dao n run away aft giving prsnt).

so i jus suddenly damn emo. i was lik hav dis stunned expression n i cant tink man. lik 1 2 explode. gt 1 part i thot "u either giv up or go tell her" but i din la. so in de end i jus left earlier wif sy.

2007-02-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

ok. any1 else still reading my blog?no rite, i guess?gd den i can write wad i 1 haha.

so much happen. 1.5 mth of de ny has past. my work schedule is crazy. can hardly cope.

n i dunno wad happen 2 us also la. we got more distant. i sense dis feeling of avoid ( lousy phrasing) everything seems much better @ 1st (last yr), so much more hopeful. nw i m lost.....bout wad ppl's tinking n wad 2 do nxt. hw i shld behave n all de sht. i shant drag on cos i m freaking tired wif flu;n inadequate slp over de past wks; n straining my eyes cos i left my specs in sch; n waking early ytd n 2day.

i jus return fr a day of crazy ny shopping wif my mum. its not sups 2 b ny shopping though. jus sups 2 spend de tangs voucher. den we went on 2 hangten n chinatown. i was in orchard but i din go wach floorskillz.sori felix. i went chinatown 3rd time!!but still nt wif de person i 1 2, though i noe i can protect.....if u r scared

2007-01-03T00:44:00.000+08:00

ok tml is sch. aft 2 mths of no sch, its all back to norm. actually its a new life cos i hav to brk away from the 2 mths routine of nt waking up early n no sch (actually no fix routine cos got so many diff activities:danc pract,gym pract,class outing,spf attachment,most importantly TIP which i woke up early 2!)i m quite scared i cant get used 2 waking up early n prep myself (brush teeth,wash face,change,eat) in 15 mins!so i nid get up earlier tml.

n i m so freaking envious n jealous of de j1s!!
cos its lik dey'll et 1 or 2 wks of orientation (which i tink is crap cos i cant rem anything fr de 2 days wif og, n onli rem some lame games n war game wif class),den 1st 3 mths shld b very relaxed n play!actually whole yr quite relax except during blks n promos.but ya,i tink i 2 relaxed tts y lik dis. hope it'll b a better yr. ok it mus!!

2007-01-01T23:44:00.000+08:00

ok i m blogging 4 the sake of blogging since i c kh,clar n wei xiang (exgymmer) blogging n kaysiong also say he wants 2 blog b4 new yr's day end. so i'll follow the trend haha.i hope i'll make it in time...

1stly happy new year every1!!ytd was the 1st time i went to countdn on the streets with fwens!!it was a diff yr. diff fr wad i always o (go wif family or last yr wif fwens @ chalet) so its jus 1 of a kind 4 me n i reali treasure it. de day started wif us meeting up n deciding wad 2 do. i knew it was the last day of the yr but i thot 2pm still was a long way away fr 12am. but time reali flies. aft k-ing 4 4 hrs which costs $22 (nvr ever spend or tink of spending so much on k b4!!)n it was also my 1st time spending $50 in a day!!!

in the end when we reach esplanade or rather opp it, we had 1 min left. there were no countdn 4 wadever reason. jus fireworks suddenly. it was nice, though partially blk. but i dunno y i dun hav the uber elated feeling (lik how clare n zhou chong qing described). jus "ok, tts nice" + a little touched la.
den aft tt i go a ride home with compliments fr xinwei parents in taxi somemore haha.(but i gt off there 2 send her home in de 1st place lor...)

anw now 2 sum up de yr, no i mean de holidays. s i hav mentioned, i cant blive i wasted 2 mths (not reali wasted but i seriously din do much work or study). n how did 2 mths jus fly past lik this. it certainly din feel lik 2 mths @ all. 2 mths w/o sch. dis is de last 2 mth holi we'll get. n last 1 w/o study. ya its sad n it sux.

n i tink tip is not placed @ the best time. cos deres so much more we 1 2 do. lik go out aft tt. it shld b during nov so deres 1 more mth 2 go out n stuff. or probably extend our stay in taiwan!

ok nid 2 post if not cant mak it in time.

2006-12-26T02:26:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZIP74TCwYk

2006-12-05T02:54:00.000+08:00

i hope everything goes well s wished 4. tt i'll get 2 watch de movie....

2006-11-30T02:16:00.000+08:00

oo ya 4got 2 tks my great great bro!! he bought so many things 4 me!!its lik de most fulfilling trip my famil or relative have gone (in terms of de gifts i got la haa). ok so he gt me a jacket, shoes, cap!!

arent dose jus great?!?yea rock man. though he din buy all i ask him 2, cos dere were reali 2 much la hehe. but he gt dose i find very long 1!!
tks bro u rock.

n oo ya, mr lim so fast found some1 2 replace me lor. which means i will reali get replaced. which means i reali cant teach when sch reopen!!hai, its wad i requested anw. oo so he got dis girl. Bevery i tink (sori dunno how 2 spell). ya n i was so shock when mr lim say "ay yuxiang, she follow u 2 help" (mr lim 1st time,or @ least very few, call my name) den she lik jus follow me 2 help. cos she 1st time so i dun reali let her do de stuff la. cos lik later she dunno anything, n lik i bully. so i did de protection n carry foam boxes (so many!) myself. but she could protect n ctrl de kids q well!!cos she dare n noe how 2 protect n dare 2 scold dem. shes v gd 4 1st time!!i was a lot worse....

ok so tts de new fwen i made. oops i 4gt 2 tell her my name n i ran away lor!!haha. nvm i still nid "bring" her 4 3 lessons!+ 1 more on mon, i volunteer 1 cos mr lim scared she cant learn finish. hope dun get scolded by mum cos i leaving on wed.

wah now coaching gt girl bside, stress man haha.s in cant flop la if nt paiseh. ok i hope i m a gd trainer?

2006-11-29T01:42:00.000+08:00

i hate dis man. i feel shtty. a couple of things. wad in de blue hell do time fly so fast? nov esp. its lik sch time fly so slow (nt reali actuali 4 aft exams ha). den 4 nov, i noe i play a lot but it feels lik i havnt even play much, or @ least enuf. den u c lik 1 mth pass when i havnt even rest. den nid do holi hw (sori,hate 2 mention dis 2),hope 2 go thru some topics, rest,train,dance.n hav TIP!!time nt enuf!!! when i come back,no more play,no more outings,no more chat till 3 am!

de other is coaching. dis is my last wk. stopping coaching,obvious means no money. i realise, though my pri aim is 2 help mr lim. but now i tink its a gd n steady source of savings. n u noe i can lik jus spend more freely when i noe money still goes in my coin box. n treatings, which is not a word in my dict b4 haha. but now everything is gg 2 b gone.sori no more treats,hu ever gg out wif me (nt lik i treat a lot of ppl b4 la). n i taking tuition nxt yr. n coaching @ least let me feel its tied out. i 1 2 coach lik koony: jus de wkends. but 1, i scared cant cope,2) lik tt in covenient 4 mr lim, 3)i cant guarantee i can teach all wk end, 4)i onli 1 fri sat. n my mom say can lik tt onli if my coach ask me 2 cont help. but he din la...

(i accidentally close my browser so lost part of de entry)

n now i tink i'll miss de kids. i hope 2 buy sweets 4 dem n tak fotos wif dose i lik. but its reali hard la.

n den TIP. de more i tink, de longer it seems. i cant do hw (yux tt sux), go 4 class outings (tt means a lot 2 me now) n all de stuff la. koony is diff lor, he lik he gt a purpose 2 go dere 4, but i hav my 寄托。。。here

2006-11-20T01:47:00.000+08:00

so much happen. ok actually not reali a lot but jus 1 big thing. its reali shocking n appalling. i m still trying 2 tak it. dey can reali hide it man. actors, all i can say.

but 2 deir fwens, esp de 1 tt call me 2 tell me i better shut up (except in a nicer way which ended wif a forced curse if i happen 2 leak dis out), i tink u guys r reali unfair 2 my guy here man. all u care bout is ur fwen. n u come n tell me even if my guy say can tell, i can tell bout him onli but not bout deir guy @ all. its lik wadde heck la. y can u onli consider de feelings of ur guy. it makes my guy feel so worthless. its nt his fault ok?he din noe anything till now. n he gt de most damage. so read my lips, i'll probably wun say it out (cos i promise some1 2 exercise ctrl), but i'll mouth it.

n 2 de guy hu call me, i m sad. u dont noe me. nt @ all man. dose hu noe me enuf (perhaps no1 still?) will noe tt i wun tell any secret if he 1 me 2 keep it. so i hell wun tell it out. n despite how many times i told u, y dun u blive me??n still repeatedly ask me nt 2 tell.its lik 2 date i havnt told any secrets of my fwens away,w/o deir permission. n bafflingly, dey demselves seem 2 b always de 1 disclosing it anw.

wadever. freak

2006-11-16T00:52:00.000+08:00

dis wk so many ppl left/ r gg to leave me. mon deres toon,kiat,galen,renfei for Asean Sch Games in Manila. den deres zhengyan 4 his home in shanghai which he havnt gone back 4 2yrs. ytd midnite xiaoqi left 4 home w/o telling. den 2day 1 left 4 ocip thailand (a regret tt i din sign up cos i reali 1 2 go 4 an ocip. deres no chance nxt yr. n its also gd advantage 4 nyaa gold, additional bonus la. my 3 classmates jus happily sign up w/o me noeing lor. but i doubt i'll get in anw)den tml my bro 4 immersion in beijing. n fri another 3 more fr class, eugene,serene,viv leaving 4 perak (dis 1 also sign up w/o me noeing).

n a few wks later is ocip shanghai, but dun tink any1 fr our class gg. den deres artemis ocip cambodia which quite a few 63 ppl will go cos we lik rule de fac comm??n its compulsory 4 fac comm. isnt it a little stupid?1 dey mak it compulsory,den de other (ocip thailand) dey have 2 interview 2 get rid of ppl. force ppl go when dey dun 1, n force ppl dun1 when dey 1!! den aft tt its me 2 taiwan 4 3 wks!!dunno if its a rite or wrong choice now.

i sent zy off n will b sending my bro. 1ed 2 send 1 more but its lik @ 6am. n qin stupidly say "ask ur father 2 dr u dere n say it concerns ur...". den i was lik...

anw 2daypw celebration. nt very successful cos onli 1/2 de class turned up. but 1/2 is reali nt bad man. some say pw celebration shld b wif all ur grp members, i agree + @ least 1 representitive fr ea grp. which means every1 la!!haha. anw we cycled so slowly cos got some learning blading. n it rained barely sec aft we left de shop!!den aft tt play soccer n capt ball. den de few of us left 1ed go dinner but i dinno its so far fr sch so i had 2 rush back, but stil late, in cab. 1st time tak cab myself. generally de day passed quite fast though we din reali do a lot?btw waiting 4 a whole class sux. n i dunno y its jus nt s high n fun s sentosa's. n i jked tt cos dun hav "warm up activity" tt i had de last time:P

ok tts all 4 2day. i did a thing tt i thot was quite foolish, but some said was sweet, on mon. anw i started 2 miss u de moment u left

2006-11-13T02:03:00.001+08:00

ok dis 1 on my own accord

You Should Try Ice Climbing

Cold, challenging, and downright scary
And there's no way the snow is breaking your fall

What Extreme Sport Should You Try?

2006-11-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

You Are a Rottweiler Puppy

Powerful, smart, and protective.
You're eager to growl at anyone you hate - but you're a big sweetheart inside.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

2006-11-13T01:36:00.000+08:00

You Are Chocolate Ice Cream

You have a flair for the dramatic and love to party.
Your personality is super strong and unique.
Many people crave you constantly - while you turn a few off.

You are most compatible with coffee ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

2006-11-13T01:30:00.000+08:00

some1 so free come ask me do dese quizzes @ 12 sth , instead of doing her InR due tml. anw enjoy...it says i metal can connect best wif earth n i hope its true.

2006-11-13T01:27:00.000+08:00

Your Love Element Is Earth

In love, you have consistency and integrity.
For you, love is all about staying grounded and centered.

You attract others with your zest for life and experiences.
Your flirting style is defined by setting the scene, creating a unique moment in time.

Steady progress and stability are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may take things too slowly, but you never put your heart at risk.

You connect best with: Fire

Avoid: Wood

You and another Earth element: need each other too much to build a good foundation

What Element Is Your Love?

PS: tink dis is a little screwed cos i was told metal connects best with earth :) but earth connects best with fire. y issit lik one-sided?

2006-11-13T01:05:00.000+08:00

You Are 48% Gentleman

Generally you act like a gentleman, but sometimes you're careless with your manners.
Most people know that you're trying your best - and that's usually good enough.

Are You A Gentleman?

2006-11-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

You Are Cherry Pie

You're the perfect combo of innocent and sexy
Those who like you enjoy a contradiction

What Kind of Pie Are You?

2006-11-13T00:46:00.000+08:00

Your Eyes Should Be Gray

Your eyes reflect: Intensity and drive

What's hidden behind your eyes: A sensitive soul

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

2006-11-13T00:25:00.000+08:00

Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations.
You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts.
Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition.
The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

2006-11-13T00:22:00.000+08:00

***Your Gluttony Quotient: 29%***
You have a pretty good relationship with food - you enjoy it, but you don't go overboard.You've struck the perfect balance between gluttony and self control.
How Much Gluttony Do You Have?http://www.blogthings.com/howmuchgluttonydoyouhavequiz/

2006-11-12T02:17:00.000+08:00

adapted fr tao zhe's si ceng xiang shi. found dis para most applicable....

遇见你有种似曾相识的感觉
是否在前世我们有逆转不去
能不能让我把你忘记
能不能把我定下对你追寻
或许我能不再想你

2006-11-11T01:24:00.000+08:00

ok chalet reali quite rok man!!though pw made it sux a little.n also dere werent ys n che hsien.
anw had a great short chat. also offered a nice chance 2 do sth nice, but i jus missed it cos i din 1 2 tak advantage of de trust given. n qin grabbed it man. nvm, well 4 him la.

anw i seriously tink i hav no chance le. sounded lik i reali hav chance anw since de start. yea,i m hopeless since de beginning. freak it

2006-11-08T22:30:00.000+08:00

ok, initially i 1ed 2 said tt on mon i took a very nice foto (nt sure if it reali look nice but its jus nice). but i guess nth matters now. cos sth broke my heart. aft 9 mths or so, jus when i feel tt we r getting closer, i realised tt we r strangers all along. it reali kinda very sad man.

n how i hope i could salvage de situation, but i cant. i cant by myself, n esp when de other parties wun reciprocate, cos dey r very comfortable wif de present situation. we dun mean anything 2 them. 失去后才懂得珍惜，yea 2 bad we were nt “失去”。

yes i m disappointed, utterly, nvr b4. disappointed wif deir feelings towards us. disappointed wif how we fared s hosts. disapointed wif myself, for unable 2 do anything but still foolishly thot tt i hav done so.

4get it,4get everything. we cant be compared 2 deir ex. freak it, lets giv it up man

2006-11-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

ok dis is de song. nt esp nice till u once u hear it 4 de 1st time den u'll lik it lik anything la. but de chorus is very cute n catchy. tks 2 de person tt reco 2 me. n de lyrics rox though its a lil wierd (den i found out its by lara..no wonder). enjoy

南拳妈妈 - What Can I Do
词:梁心颐(lara)曲:杨瑞代(盖瑞)

没鱼的海会很空白没冰红茶夏天不要来
我的世界因为有了你没有风也摇摆
想要飞快跟我来

what can i do 我的爱碰到你坏不起来
what can i do 你的人像泡面无所不在
what can i do 装可爱还是要说个明白
what can i do 我爱你可不可以你也很巧的爱上我

没车的路会很奇怪没人比赛操场saybyebye
我的世界因为有了你没有风也摇摆
想要飞快跟我来

2006-10-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

i din dare 2 ask qin wad i 1ed.....nor did i ask wad i 1ed 2

random post: time is taking away everything, wad i hav n wad i dun hav. i dun1 2day 2 end!!!my last few moments of last official sch day of being J1 gt unexpectedly taken away by SL!!!hai....

& lik how de cute song goes, n ang wee hiong said twice 2day, pls tell me WHAT CAN I DO??!!

2006-10-26T01:01:00.000+08:00

i dun 1 b a substitute. or jus 1 of de extra n insignificant leaves that just serve to 扶持 de peony. there are jus 2 many of them. 多一个不多，少一个不少。

hope no1 else involved reads tt. 1 ready did n gav things away

2006-10-26T00:46:00.000+08:00

i feel betrayed, jealous, a little cheated, fooled......

m i 2 sensitive or r dey 2 insensitive??

2006-10-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

ok...it backfired lik lix said. its not reali a plan as i din hav a motive.....i was expecting a lot ppl 2 go but dey jus cant make it. so it seems sth lik a date i m trying 2 plan or wad? but my parents jus last min dun allow me 2 go cos i told dem quite late 2. so ya its quite stupid. i suggested an outing. den my fwen call 1 more guy. den i cant make it. but dey r still going!!!w/o me!!!(humpfft is dis wad dey always type?)

oo ya btw i danced wif an unexpected guess dancer 4 mass dance 2day!!!its lik i saw her running away in de middle of mass dance. den i was lik walking in de direction she ran, i was planning 2 report 4 wrk ready. den she suddenly ran back. n i 1ed ask her y she running ard. den she suddenly jus "forced" me 2 go mass dance.(hope she doesnt c dis). yea so i danced lor. n i ended up late!!!

tts all folks. mood still sucky fr results. heart still confused. n very upset tt cant go tml

2006-10-10T23:30:00.000+08:00

ok freak it. i jus f*cked my promos. f*cked it wif a jk. wad an amusing results man.. pathetic

2006-10-10T00:35:00.000+08:00

it seems lik i hav dropped into a deep pit. of no return. perhaps more of a pit with mines. cos every step i seems wrong and hurting? i dunno.

i shldnt even hav started any 1 of these 2. 1 is nice but so far away. so popular. n forever out of my reach.

de other, de earlier 1. i put in so much. but all i get is knife, knife , knife. dun even noe is on purpose or wad. it jus a very painful experience that i dunno even noe why i m continuing.

for the other, i m lik plunging in though i noe its a bottomless pit wif no results.

hope i wun end up wif lots of injuries.

i hate myself, n everything else

2006-10-09T02:38:00.000+08:00

chatting. cant blive i'll chat some1 up till 3 am...2nd time some more

2006-10-09T01:36:00.000+08:00

now i m in a dilemma man. i m confused. i dunno wad i 1. kaiherng say its norm. but i dunno y so sudden. its lik my heart took a complete change. so fast so abrupt. but de old feel is not realli gone la. nt tt i blived it had. anw its lik so long ready. almost 10 mths!!

y do i always hav 2 follow wad ppl say??

i tried 2 make myself to go back 2 the past. but i jus cant convince myself leh. hai. sux. life sux.

i jus 1 2 conc on studies, gym n dance. leave de rest 2 nxt time

2006-10-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

i agree with the lyrics in ri ri ye ye. 5th line. yea no everything is reciprocated. i feel i done a lot la. but nth much in return leh. not very encouraging leh. n i dunno how ppl feel also. every move is a mystery. i m tired n i feel lik giving up......

2006-10-09T01:21:00.000+08:00

ok another post finally. actualli always 1 post but 2 lazy man. k let me 1st read my last post.....
oo i tink i 1ed 2 tok bout comp. ya its damn suay la. we competed wif almost everyone injured. @ 1st we were unsure of getting 1st le. den on de last day still lik tt. i was so scared tt we'll even lose 2 cj lor. but luckily we won 2nd la.

i tink we put up a rather great fight la. considering ziyang almost totally dn wif a swollen n distorted foot, sam sprained ankle, koony still injured ankle n my swollen ankle!!!we were ready 1 man dn (5 guys) tts de bare min 2 form a standard team of competitiors. den now still lik tt.damn sian lor.

but we not bad la. din reali lose a lot. bout 4 pts i tink??thot we'll lose more. basically we lose by 0.1 on 1st day 4 hbar. den won a lot 4 pbars. gt trashed 4 vault. lose a bit 4 flr n pommel. n @ de end i was actuali stil hopeful of a slight chance of winning lor. hai naive haha.but we got more individuals!!!!koony de great winner dis yr wif 1 gold 4 pbars n flr. da wif silv 4 hbar. sam gt bronzes 4 hbar n pbar. i gt 1 silv 4 pbar n bronze 4 pommel. koony snatched my colors away!!!n sam shld did better if he din flop. da 2, shld get 2 golds if he din flop 4 flr n vault. anw its over. wonder when will start trg again. nxt yr almost sure win i tink but sure no indivi

tribute

2006-09-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

as promised, dis is dedicated 2 de hwachong gym hero Tan Ziyang!!haha ok sori it came so late. but it still came rite.?

so yea ah yang was damn brave 2 attempt his routine even though he had a real swollen foot!

so wad happened dated back to 2 wks (or issit 1 wk?) b4 comp. it was real suay man!!!He got everything going well (i mus reali commend that ah yang is a talent in gym cos hes lik getting back all de moves in jus 1/2 a yr of trg aft 2 yrs of stopping.. so in de end he trained de less but is de best), hes de potential guy 2 sweep 6golds i tink including iaa. n he nids a move 4 floor cos he dun 1 2 do 720 which is lik a pc of cake 2 him. so he decided 2 learn back layout punch back which he thot was more ez (in fact it is) cos kiat lik learn it in 3 mins or sth.... so he did n, mayb he 2 relax according 2 my coach, despite my coach ask him dun do. N he landed, on side of his foot, ankle 1st. its damn gross lor. imagine u doing tt.

so anw dere goes all de individuals, n of cos our team gold, considering we ready struggling in the title race n dere went our general.

so we waited even on de comp days. but looks hopeless cos its still so swollen man. but on de last day, he decided 2 try his luck 4 pbars though i thot its less dangerous for pommel n hbar. anw he amazing only took out de dismount!!n he still dared 2 do giants!n he din jump off fyi, he did a back salto 180!!!tts lik siao la

when he landed its lik he got shocked (as in electric) cos he landed damn hard on his foot. den aft presenting he immediately collapsed.n guess wad?he beat de whole opponent teamn n tied wif cavan!! aiya lik tt cant reali feel it anw

anw i reali salute ah yang. cos i guessed he competed 4 de team's sake n it reali helped cos 1 of us flopped. n unfortunately i tink hes foot's real bad. tink tendon or wadever all broken. n nid surgery. dunno hws it now.

anw Ah yang u r de best!!n nxt time when quoting a great snr s an example, rest assure u'll b de 1....

last chance

2006-07-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

as my nick goes: "c div in our hands, b div np..a div:1 injured ligament,2 sprained,1 swollen ankle,1 hurt knee....can we secure sth??go hc gymmers" tml is de deciding day!! can sam managed 2 squeeze out a decent floor routine?can every1 maintain deri standard n perform in deir best form?can we prvent flopping??pray hard. can we manage 2 scrape a win over cjc?

4 update....i quite estatic when yang jus told me hes going 2 compete 4 pbars though doc tell him not 2!!i salute u!!of not 4getting da wif hurting knees; koony wif not yet recovered ankle ligaments; sam wif sprained foot. we r not going 2 giv up so easily. tts de spirit worth saluting. tks guys for everything u put in.

da got a hbar silver n sam a bronze.disputed. n i still wondering wads wrong wif my routine tt gav me a score lower dan those hu failed when i succeeded......

best of luck hc gymmers!!!

GG

2006-07-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

ok dis time is reali gd game 4 us. In my whole gym career (if it's even counted as 1) i hav nvr been so suay, meet such a huge set-back b4. no not even when i quite seriously hurt my palm in sec 2 tt i had 2 rest 4 1 mth+. i tink neither had my teammates.

4 dose indifferent 1, its de gym comp season. Yea dis wk,18-21 jul n now it jus seems de worst time.

lets start wif dis wk wed i tink. b4 t i was quite piss here n dere. cos comp's coming in a few days n teammates r jus not coming 4 trg. now n den. sometimes him sometimes tt. i noe i m not in position 2 comment as my trg 4 de past yr is also not worth mentioning. but either some jus dun 1 2 come, or will jus come n slp...(k tt happen once only). every1 jus seem so not enthu. n i was trying so hard 2 bring up our morale n spur them on by applauding 4 great attempts n occasionally giving de gymmers a pat on deir backs. onli until wed, did i finally feel satisfied n happy wif wad we r putting in. Koony n yang were lik giving all 4 deir vault. koony is trying 4 layout even he missed action 4 so long n ah yang 2 360 layout.commendable n touched me.

He it was dis day tt lady luck turned her back, n heaven's jk (i reali hope i m wrong) start 2 work on us. yang sprained his foot seriously while doing layout punch back somer.n nows its lik a swollen fat pig leg.looks reali painful. n dere goes our best n most experienced general. de 1 whom we hope could lead us 2 victory. de only 1 wif de hope of sweeping 5 individuals n iaa.

fyi 4 gym comp we register 6 guys, 5 guys compete, take 4 best scores. originally we ready hav 5 guys cos some1 din 1 2 join....den now injured most important guy. left wif bare min of 4!!

n 2day, sth fateful happened again. jus when i started 2 feel a bit relieved we can @ least secure a 2nd place, sam hurt his foot. lik ah yang i tink. n dis reali sux!!we gt 3 guys now 4 floor n vault @ least. no more team unless yang or sam miraclously recover gd enuf 2 compete.

it reali sux 2 c ur hard work, all ur sweat,blood n almost tears go dn de drain. n i m very afraid we'll go home wif.....

worst 4 yang since dis is his last yr. i m sori.....

2006-06-03T22:57:00.000+08:00

ok...so so long din blog ready.& quite some ppl complain i so long din update haha. Sori guys, i quite bz,lazy n i dun tink i m reali tt kinda blog person lik some girl wif name R.... jus 2 name 1 haha.(u guys noe hu n hope she wun c dis). anw I tink sure no1 read my blog anymore cos i so long din blog ready. If some1 reads dis, tks haha.

ok i m jus back from the artemis camp @ ubin. The response is, as expected, quite sucky. about 1/2 the fac went only. anw i tink apollo is worse la haha. The camp is generally ok la. I feel its very very similar 2 obs leh. mayb cos its also adventure camp:p its 3 days onli so i tink i can type de details? so 1st day reach sch i tink i bring 1 of the biggest bag....den tak bus to punggol. On the bus i happily tak out my travelsound to play.Aft 1 song i tink suddenly no batt!!!Den i bring 4 wad?!?!shld hav charge lor. Den worse, i found a crack on it!!! so we reach the punggol club (reali ulu though i tink i went b4) we took ferry 2 ubin. on the ferry gt so instructors start 2 try to lift up the spirits by getting us to cheer. den when we reach dere immediately start activity le lor, lik havnt even rest. i 4gt is pitch tent or activity 1st. anw the tent is those kind damn ez pitch 1, cos i gt 1 @ home den last time i pitch myself. jus tt i din noe nid put 1 bag @ ea corner n also bou the "fly sheet" or wad thingy, to prevent rainwater fr flooding. but i dunno y cos the sheet is lik same material...

so 1st acivity is nitro crossing. then the high wall thing.2 times nid tak out shirt lor. den the instructor amy (buaya) keep eyeing my blue converse shirt which nearly tear aft che-hsien tried to climb it up the wall.then mission impossible n the crocodile pit.@ nite is outdoor cooking which sux cos nt enuf food n also tools 4 every1 to try. Day 2 is high rope courses:rockclimb,abseil,leap of faith. then aftnoon is the zai team challenge pyramid.its reali cool cos its lik a tower wif all diff elements in it.but its hard 2 tink every1 n jac yeo complete it.

3rd day is water activities: raft building n jetty jump. the food also ok la, lunch n dinner is rice,supper is bread, bf is beehoon.
c its lik obs rite?jus shorter n so dun hav kayaking, trekking n stuff. n its jus always de same place.

n ya i tink i shld b running for brk ex-co.cos i reali hav no leadership roles, so its a waste of talent:p but i dun tink i'll get it la.cos i low profile in mad.but i stil dunno y brk ppl dun 1 run 4 mad exco.

jus random stuff: i dunno bout dis but m i correct to say u dont reali mean a lot 2 a person hu dun reply ur sms immediately?mayb dis can bcome a new theory...

n ya i went for ice cream @ the famous island creamery aft sabba on 26th. yea its reali ex haha. but not bad. n mudpies r reali sweet!!!yea quite sweet haha

actually r blogs reali diaries?cos its lik every1 can read 9 unless u put password which is kinda wierd 2 me cos my fwens lik all no pw 1)den how u write bout ur darkest secrets. unless u r thickskin la. den every1 will go read n u'll bcome famous...rather infamous.n ppl will also criticise bout blogs (mayb gt ppl criticising my post now!) n its lik kinda stupid. nvm.....

blk tests sux. i quit coaching cos of it

cont fr last entry

2006-03-05T00:00:00.000+08:00

cont...

but cny & every other fesitval seems 2 b lik dis also. not as gd s expected. mayb cos i dun "zhi zu" or i very pessimistic....only keep thinking "oo its going 2 end soon" (if u noe wad i mean)

now i playing "zhu wo sheng ri kuai le" by wen lan since 1130.

oo nearly 4got 2 tks my fwens. my great fwens. Shen yang, Li xi, Che-hsien, wei qin, jason, yong soon, song jun.....and ...ya.

sy, lix & che gav me a cool shirt, 1 pc character (tt lix say look lik me!!), 1 hp cover & 5 ferrero rocher. nerd qin, jason & mr donkey gave me a converse shirt. & cute song jun gav me a sylvester softtoy!! & ya i got a adidas pouch 2. tks

Tks a lot. u guys are great. I thot i wun get any/much prsnt cos 1st my bday on sat. 2 mak it worse, classlist put my bday wrong!!but i dunno how quite some ppl in class get 2 noe. cos i only told wei qin & he told shen yang. & i thot "some 1" wld 4get bout my bday cos we din reali mention in sms. tks again guys.

& lastly my great bro & cousin. nearly miss out dem also. a zinc bag. supposed 2 b branded. & quite ex leh!! tks.

reflecting on past 16 yrs......

hai sian now nid go try do work. got econs (damn hard), gp (heck), & chem test nxt wk!!!

2006-03-04T23:53:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF!!!!

haha. i nid 2 post dis b4 12am!!

So fast my bday le. Haiz, older by 1 yr old again. I dunno y but i dun 1 2 grow older. As in age & physical (though i 1 grow taller), i jus 1 2 stay @ 16!!!

& y 2day pass so fast?? i been quite waiting 4 dis day (mayb sch 2 stressful so i 1 a break 4 myself). but 2day seems lik norm day leh. not s eventful or fun as i expected...... : ytd went out wif aunty hoon's family 4 supper den went bowling until 3 something am!!! So 2day 12 den wake up. aft tt go seoul garden 4 1st time, wif my family. den came home. write my testimonial. I nid it cos i win de some HC All-rounded excellence award. nth much la. I spent 1 h 30 min writing lor!!! den @ nite aunty hoon & "yee zhang" fried finger food 2 celebrate my bday. aunty sharon also came!!Tks 2 aunty hoon, sharon;s family, Aunty eng, ah ma & ah gong!!!

so jus lik tt 4 my bday.

2006-01-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

Can u believe it? I m joining break dance! I went for de trials, initially hoping 2 get in but only as recreation since it'll be my 2nd CCA. So tt i can go whenever i lik or when i m free. but de person say we nid perform & may hav competitions so cant join 4 recreation. So i jus decide so go try, den if i get in, mayb i jus try a while b 4 i quit, or immediately tell dem i dun 1 join (but may get bashed up). All dis were under de assumption tt i sure get in since i m fr gym & shldnt hav prob on de moves.

But i was very wrong!!They started by teaching us de Rocky or wad ever(jus some 1 leg skipping stuff). Den is de 6 step tt seem so noob but quite hard 2 learn. Den is my suckiest - baby freeze. It's lik i long ago tried but cant or dun dare do. Den everyone tried & sort of exclaimed it was hard. But dunno y aft some time everyone seemed 2 b so pro & could do!!

I could a bit also la but cant stop dere long. Den reach my turn, i jus tell her (teacher) i cant do freeze, hoping she wld lower expectations. She jus told me 2 do my best. So i did & i really failed!!shldnt hav said i cant do it man! (its all in de heart...) Den i was tinking i sure cant ge in le. Den she ask me if i could do head or handstand. Of cos choose hand la!!Head is lik siao, damn pain!! Den i did & heart Zhi Xiong (i tink) saying "gym de jiu shi gym de"! haha. But i still thot i cant get in cos i completely screwed my routine.

Anyway me, wang hao, koony & aloy got in. Ask weix go he dun 1. In de end din even got in hip hop...

Now i dunno shld b happy or sad. Happy cos i got in & i can learn breakdance & can hao lian 2 girls or fwens lik koony said (but i always rem Dam saying breakdance is 4 act sey guys..& i sort of agree). Also happy bout my "talent" getting reaffirmed & recognise. As a gymnast, i'll b damn zi bei if i din get in la.

Den sad cos i scare i cant cope with JC life. Gym is trg 3 times a wk (though its nth compared 2 last time)!!but its jc now & i noe it'll b a lot tougher dan sec sch. So i m afraid i'll hav 2 quit aft 1 mth or 1st 3 mths. Den also, now tt i learn, i cant say a very zai statement, which i always think of saying when ppl ask me if i noe breakdance or not. "I dunno breakdance but i noe GYM!" 2 me gym is of a lot higher standard than breakdance. Den 4 de stuns i noe, ppl will tink i learn fr breakdance, & i cant proudly say "i learnt tt fr gym!"....

Hai....

Dunno wad 2 write 4 Angel & Mortal. Its lk mine dun even ask me qns. & so i finish tok all bout myself. Nvr play dis game b4. Find it fun, unusual, mayb lame? But my angel & mortal din reali giv me anything leh. I sort of 1 2 noe them & tok 2 dem. But i guess we wun tok much face 2 face since i m not reali sociable. But when valentines come, de game will stop. So i dunno i reali 1 Valentines 2 come or not...

2005-11-26T02:12:00.000+08:00

Not only Weix, I can't believe it either. I actually went 2 see toon off! Actually I was interested since de 1st time weix told me. Anyway i got nth 2 do @ home.

Ok, toon if u happen 2 c dis, u r de 1st guy i see off @ de airport!(except my dad) R u honoured??? & i was one of de only 4 guys (da,weix,koony) tt went!! & i reached de earliest. I was rushing all de way lor, scared tt i'll b late..& when i left, it was raining & dere was lightning & thunder. Damn scary lor.

So i reach dere aft long mrt ride. I check de departure list & de flight was to be check in @ row 8. So i went dere but dun c any team spore ppl. Den sms toon who told me to meet dem @ de end @ coffee bean.

When i reach dere, i saw a scene of "red". Dere were so many atheletes. I found toon & as usual din tok much la.

I realise tt toon nor kiat is close 2 chs gym ppl, or mayb jus sec 4 gymmers or mayb jus me. Its lik kiat 4ever will mix wif his ccab buddies. Even b 4 he train dere, during comp, he jus stay wif dem all de while & went lunch wif dem. To tink i still thot we wld b damn close aft trg 2gether 4 yrs! & toon is better wif his classmates. & hes also damn close wif de juniors.

I tink i m onli a bit close wif de sec 4s & mayb Lao Das?

so lik dat la.

Cont.

Den aft Wang tok 2 us. De usual stuff. Den we took fotos wif wang & toon. I thot we wld ak wif de whole team. Nvm.

Aft which we slowly send dem off 2 de gates.

& here i say again: Go TOON!! U're de best!!!

2005-11-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

FINALLY I GOT MY 1ST JOB....& it's over....

Ok its a job @ SPC. As a sales promoter or wadever u call it. My job is simply 2 let customers sample "I-Dragon" & "1000 C" (tts wad dey call it). Those hu havent tried u can look out for me @ ur nearest friendly neighbourhood station!! (provided i still tak up de job again & i happen 2 be @ ur nearest station!!haha)

I hav no proper stall or place 2 stand. I jus stand @ de aisle & put my tray on de ice-cream fridge. I met all kinds of ppl. Most r Eng speaking. & many r hao lian. I actually hav 2 predict if a person is eng or chi speaking den tak action. quite hard u noe & i got many times wrong. in de end i decided 2 use eng 4 most except if de guy look reali Cheena.

I hav 2 move my tray whenever ppl 1 2 open de fridge. Some r reali damn rude! one kind of which will say jus "No!" so coldly. Dey dun even smile & deres no tks even though i dunno y i thank dem back. Den deres de kind which din even look @ u!!!serious!! like u were not dere & dey din even heard u!!& of dem all, 2 r ang mohs!! dey totally tarnish de image of ang moh i hav. & i thot ang mohs r supposed 2 be better-mannered & gentlemen.....

I also met some kind ones lik 1 lady which told me "All de best!" very encouragingly though she din buy. & de other hu bought & ask me so much bout my job den told me her daughter looking 4 job also but scare bad company....not 4geting de 1 hu told me 2 stand facing de other side so tt de sun wun shine ino my face...& also those hu smiled, said "tks" very politely, & those hu pat me on my arm..... Tks! u reali made my day! So as long as u notice me & smile. De better if u drink. Cos my job is 2 let ppl drink, not ask dem buy. De 1st customer tt drank reali gav me grea confidence.

Also some wierd ones. 1 drank onli 1 type of drink but bought de other!!de other drank I-Dragon, said "wah it taste duno wad, makes me feel dunno wad!" In de end he bought. Den de other say makes "my stomach feel lik hav snail". Den also hav ppl say taste lik pineapple, sour, sweet.......Got 1 damn 经典经典:" y dey make dis color?Look lik urine!!"

I will avoid 3 types: maids, kids or children or teens, & construction workers (dey were wearing boots..den i found out dey were car-washers). not tt i despised them. Sori guys i missed. maids most likly wun buy cos dey go dere wif money & objective 2 buy onli de things dey nided or were asked 2. & dey nid 2 ask their "moms". den 4 kids is deir spending power. Teenagers is cos i shy..imagine calling some 1 ur age or younger "sir" & "mdm".Or scaly dey thot i 1 jio dem!

3 additional rules:
1. Onli approach those dat go past me (which means those dat go directly to de counter. meaning i lost bout 1/2 of de customers hu stroll about de store. u cant expect me 2 go ard de store 2 drag customers 2 my place!)

2. Dun approach those in a queue (they wun care & wld get irritated instead. Or if dey drink, dey may end up queuing up again & get angry)

3. Not those hu r leaving de store aft payment. (dey dun giv a damn bout u i guarantee)

Many-a-times i end up spending de time strolling, standing ard. or helping de cashiers cos dey dunno eng. Lik helping an angmoh identify wad he wants as "nata de coco", identifying coolants,reading labels which says "free wif purchase..".& also helping ppl find things, including a maid (buying 4 fwns) 2 find doritos, a guy 2 find cooking oil & de other 2 find pkt milo...

I sold 4 pkts of drinks on 1st day, 3 on 2nd & 2 on 3rd. pathetic!!dere reali wasnt many ppl. & i was so hopeful everyday, aft hearing de top seller sold off sll de available goods & had 2 ask some 1 deliver.

De ppl in de station were nice! I tok 2 those in cashier.De aunty on 1st day keep asking me 2 "walk ard", "dun stand dere". She said "ur boss wun noe", "we wun tell ur boss" & ask me leave early.Deres 1 girl quite nice, in both ways. Dunno y she was dere on 3 days. On 2nd & 3rd days, it was she hu rush me to go home. She keep saying "pack up, go home le. Stand 4 whole day le.." I 1ed so much 2 ask her how bout themselves & how long dey work. Dey were reali great! Jenny Auntie (issit?) & Elva & auntie & uncles, Thanks a lot!Wil visit u guys if i hav de chance

So tts all bout my 1st work. I still tinking 2 continue or not. though de pay is gd, its onli 3 hrs a day & wk ends. Its no reali worth 2 ravel all de way 4 3 hrs...

Wah took 1hr

2005-11-10T15:58:00.000+08:00

HBK...Sad...

ytd i stayed up till 4.30am, 4 some 1. 1st time stay til so late @ home. actually it was rather volunteerily. we had video conference or wadever (use webcam 1). anyway also so long din chat le & my exams were finally over. so i heck even though i was reali tired.

Seeing nth much 2 say, i asked de qns. & de ans was rather unexpected. I dunno, cos dat outcome was not what ___ said last time.

Mayb i shldnt hav ask de qn. But come 2 tink of it, mayb its better. @ least i wun waste my time on something tt will end up futile. i dunno....den i felt damn cold & disappointed. no mood 2 chat le.

2 tink I was still tinking of going Thailand....now no nid le ha.

Anyway u can't lose what u nvr had

2005-11-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

Ok chi Os sux.not so gd aft all. I tink dere goes my A1. i thot paper 1 was ez cos we done de 2 qn b4!!but paper 2 was lik.....de compre cant lift at all.

Now I am preparing 4 eng Os...wad 2 prepare? I also dunno. jus pia lots of compo? now i not sure of de difference between narrative and personal recount. Mrs Liu dao my sms lor.

Strangely, i am wondering how O levels (all de sub) feels lik, @ de same time i hate 2 prepare 4 eng when all de other chs ppl r playing & can enjoy de last 2 days of sch happily. But @ de same time @ least i can feel both?wierd...but @least i finish a wk earlier dan norm ppl?& can enjoy de feeling of slacking when others r studying 4 a while..but jus 4 a while.

I hope i will & i can blog bout all i missed: comp, camp........& de fotos if i learnt how 2 upload by den..

ALL DA BEST 4 O LEVELS!!!!!GO GUYS

2005-10-22T02:38:00.000+08:00

Ok exams finally over!!! I reali hate exams man. esp dis yr's. tok bout exams later.

b4 i 4 get wad i 1 2 say. i jus watched a show. jap 1. i tink shld recommend. i cant say its very very damn nice la, but its reali quite nice. got stars also....Lee Hom & some very cool & zai-looking jap star.

So 1 guy is a vampire, Kei. den one boy, Sho grew up wif him.they go kill bad guys den the vampire will suck the bad ppl's bld.

den 1 day they met Lee Hom on a killing spree.I tink they were dere 2 kill also but Lee Hom attacked their target (some mafia) b4 them.So they went dere they thot Lee Hom is bad & both 1ed kill one another. den they realise they had same target so they join forces.

Lee Hom hav a sis. so the 2 got 2 noe the sis. + 1 of their fwen (pizza guy), 5 of them bcame fwens. den 1 day the mafia killed the pizza guy. the vamp fought & sux their bld. so Lee Hom & his sis realised he was vamp.

den aft 9 yrs vamp end up in jail. Lee Hom joined tt mafia. Sho bcame sort of gangster & married the sis. So Lee Hom & Sho became enemies.

den Sho's bro & men got killed 4 wdever reason. so he bcame very lonely & sad. den his wife came down wif terminal cancer. so hes left alone. The vamp would be sentenced 2 death & Lee Hom & Sho said their nxt meeting wld b @ gunpt.

Sho was terribly lonely & suffering so he called the vamp about 2 be sentenced 2 death & said he missed him. Den vamp escaped 2 find Sho. They went 2 kill the mafia 2gether but Sho din duck any shots so he was looking 4 death.

den he challenge 1-on-1 wif Lee Hom who killed him cos he din fire. The vamp comes & killed Lee Hom who pretends to shoot him.

Aft tt wife died & Sho daughter grew up wif vamp looking aft her. In de end was discovered tt Kei turned Sho into vamp 2 save him. They went 2gether 2 beach @ sunrise. They din leave & burnt 2 death.

But de ending was the 5 reincarnated & got back @ the beach 2 tak foto.

You cant feel anything here but many parts was damn touching bcos every 1 starts 2 die.
so if possible you may 1 2 watch 月光游侠.

& the sis looked so much like my china fwen!!!

anyway is damn late now. mayb I'll blog bout wad i miss out over the nxt few days.

2005-08-20T00:54:00.000+08:00

can some 1 tell me how 2 put pics permanently & songs on blog?

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY

2005-08-09T14:15:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY

Today its Singapore's 40 years birthday. Though the celebration and emphasis has been bigger (hasnt it?) i thot it shld be bigger and another decade has passed and i sort of tink 40 should be quite grand cos for a person, 40 means a lot rite? as in woman r damn scare of 40 & ppl always say nv ren/nan ren 40.

anyway i got a test on thur & fri. gonna nerd now. + do maths!!(sux).

looks lik gonna postpone the blog bout comp again.

nows listening to a new damn nice song "bu de bu ai" by pan wei bo & dunno hu. go d/l. highly recommended

2005-07-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

Reali tired now, cant blog much. Anyway just lik the other gymnasts, I hav so much work to catch up. Not tt much actually. @ leat I only hav 1 test & 1 oral exam. & the maths test is postponed.

Ok this is going 2 be my 1st swear word in my blog. Fuck Ngsc. Hes reali a fucker man. I go ask him 2nd time 4 handing in draft. I said cos we had 6 day trg so cant do. den he say "no, no u already hav extension & tts unfair to others." Den i told him we had 6 days trg since sec 1. Den he say ya but we already extended 4 u (something lik dat). den he say "the world doesnt stop cos u hav comp, this shows u r not multi-task." wad the fuck lah!! I not multi-task??den r u? u go try trg 6 day a wk, each time more than 4 hrs lah. den i c how u manage ur work. I still hav assignmenst, ACE, tests, exams & everything. even a 1 mth extension is not enuf. U go get those faggot EP3 to train 1 whole yr cant even match 2 us trg 1/2 yr man. So this is wad we get for trg so hard 4 the sch. while all the credits go to the sch?? I was tinking tt i shldnt hav competed under sch's name. Shld compete as individual or under "HCI gym". Cos HCI sux!!! ok not all but the fuckers lik NG. Tai Boon is rite tt we shld tk only SOME of the teachers.

I hav learn my lesson. Tt is not 2 slog 4 the sch, but 4 individual!!
& i will get back @ Ng if i hav the chance, lik when hes sick & cant finish marking, i'll say " the world doesnt stop when u r sick!!"

but hav to see i hav the guts or not la
anyway Ng, knnbccb!

scold until damn tired le. Nxt time den blog bout comp.

The Big Day

2005-07-12T22:18:00.000+08:00

ok 2 day we gav RI & SJI a thrashing!!!. we clinched 11 out of the 15 individual titles. + all the iaa i tink! Our C div were superb, or rather the others were lousy. They cant even complete their routine 4 nuts!! The c div were rather lucky. But some of the judges were obviously biased!!! Lik pbars, the SJI ppl got 8.7 i think when their routine sux.

Nvm.. Anyway tml is the big day!!! I am going, no i mus, giv it my best shot. I'm going 2 miss it.

I am clashing wif b div. So they cant cheer & support me & vice versa. & also the fotos. & also hu will dai me???

BTW aft this comp, jus lik weix said, I'll hav nth 2 do wif gym (professional) trg. So there goes all my excuses & reasons 4 lousy results or undone hw. Or haolian 2 my fwens bout my hectic trg schedule, the most is sch, or perhaps spore!!!

Jus toked 2 cavan bout alan, he say i no nid worry. Anyway i m not hoping 4 much. I am jus going 2 do my best & fight a beautiful better!!!

Wish me Gd luck!!

last entry b 4 comp

2005-07-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

ok..this will perhaps b my last entry b 4 the grand day of competition.

so jus 4 update tramp we won 2 silvers 4 both div while RI & SJI won 1st & 3rd each 4 the divisions. I was wondering which was better. Anyway it was quite a disappointment. Our C div was supposed 2 win. Aki 's routine was almost the best ( even mr lim say "mai niao de, bi sai tiao zhe me hao") if not 4 the flop @ the last jump. damn wasted. den jevon & jetro also flop i think.we won ri by .05 but lost 2 SJI. B div, though losing was expected, was a greater disappoinment. Boo & Joseph whos the best screwed up & get 1 of the lowest scores. I regretted missing the prize ppt ceremony 2 study 4 test, cos this mayb b the last few times i get to attend it.

2 day was the familiarisation day. It was really a new experience 4 me. So nervous & exciting. It reali a diff feeling when u r competing & when u r not.

Thru out the session i was looking @ rj ppl. They were quite gd leh. Very threatening leh. den when i was changing, a even greater shock i got-Alan was competing against me!!!wad the sht. CCAB guy, dun pray pray. I m putting all hopes on pbars which he got 1st last yr!!! den pommel i tink hes damn gd. my another hope is hbar which he sux in. but i tink rj ppl r gd @ tt. In addition i tink cj ppl quite gd @ pommel. So how?? die le. FYI i dropped vault & floor. though damn bouncy but i still dun dare 2 try cos no mat. & also vault the landing mat is so small that i tink i will land out of it. + the ground so hard. Anyway i tink i cant get iaa. Also the b div hav no time. So it was partly also 4 them....c so wei da.

& ya. Saw her....her leg was still injured, tied in a beng dai. dunno wad happened. Saw her in tramp comp with crutches also. dun tink shes competing. Anyway i jus discovered that she has a rather big build, shoulders i mean. Even broader than....mine?jus feel a bit pity she cant compete. Anyway nicole, or issit tabbi?, beam is scary. She did world class moves. I saw those done by ppl in olympic, mayb not reali world class.

Anyway, eyeryone pls wish me all the best. Reali nid luck. now i m contented 2 win anything. cos the greater u hope, the harder you fall....but i think i'll still fall hard.....

Verge of losing......

2005-07-04T01:09:00.000+08:00

Its now one wk away from comp. Its really exciting. I am also damn nervous, both wanting the comp to come and at the same time doesnt want it to come.

I anticipated this comp. My first gym comp. The 1st time i can compete aft 4 yrs of sweat, toil, tears, blood. Aft 4 yrs of "wasting" so much time, sacrificing my time, energy, results, leisure. All this yrs, while everyone else is @ home or outside, shopping, nerding, playing, doing ace......Me (of cos & my grp of buddies and my coaches) are slogging our lives out in the gym. Everyday 4 6 days a wk & each time of 4 hrs @ least. Any kind soul, pls do some math to c how much time is spent.

Also aft this comp, all my trg wld stop. I wld be free (though ironically i wun noe wad to do during free time). I can conc on studies & b a......nerd???(yucks)

& also comp i can get 2 c a lot of other gymnasts. ( u noe.....)

but @ the same time, this is most likly also the last gym comp in my life. Come thinking of it, I reali feel very sad. Aft doing it for 4 yrs, it has bcome my life, my passion. Dropping it wld cut me completely away fr the gym world & I wld also not get 2 touch gym forever. reali "she bu de", feel lik crying man.

Anyway however much I anticipate the comp, I dun reali lik this wk. the wk jus b 4 comp. Its lik we keep slacking ( mayb me only lah) & keep giving excuses say theres still a few wks, jus wait until 1 wk b 4 lah. So nows the time. Seriously i reali regret slacking cause last wk hav no time 2 train much. + the stupid tests. Also cant do pt.

If i had work harder, mayb i wld get into the team.....nvm jus pray hard that i can win prizes for my pommel, p bars & high bar. Jus a bit of wishful thinking: iaa also

yea another issue is that it seems lik our team is reali going 2 lose. its lik a fate we cant escape. Mr Lim keeps repeating it. & he claims his intuition (7th sense!) nvr failes. He even want 2 bet. I feel reali bad if we lose, cos if we win we'll get to keep the trophy.

But the fact is, our floor is unstable & unready. Even if koony complete his routine, we r still short of a guy. HB is ok. Vault's standard sux compared 2 last yr (anyway i m a failure in floor & vault cos aft 2 yr of trg i still cant do nuts) . but still managable. pommel seems lik sht actually but we hav polished up much since we started. Hav 2 depend on the twins, though i tink the other schs may b jus as lousy. p bars is quite ok. jus tt is largely a little unstable there + some incomplete routines.

so tts it. Everyone hu has read this entry, can u pray hard 4 us (& me). Tks

2005-06-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

Some days back Yang went to gym. He looked @ the list of competitors each sch sent. Den I saw Catholic JC is sending 6 guys. So i asked if they r gd but yang say they r lik sht. The way he said was lik..... Den Pres(dunno how 2 spell) was sending 1. He say tt was Will. I was lik almost fainted lah. He say this 1 dun snatch wif him, all the golds giv him. DEn i ask bout rj which he asked me to kick their ass. Haha.

Onlu today did i found out tt Will was competing in B div!!! Issit supposed 2 b bad or gd? Heard hes damn qiang la. Worry 4 B div. I realli want them to win 1st leh.

2005-06-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

Not much time 2 tok bout chalet. Say briefly. So on Fri aft watching the last episode of "Zero to Hero", my dad came 2 fetch me 2 the chalet. Rather big. It the 2nd time i been there ( the 1st was also in the wk when I stayed over @ my bro's chalet). There were 2 storeys & 4 rooms + kitchen & hall with dining area. 1 a.c in every room & 2 in hall. the a/c damn cold. So 1st nite i just slp cos aunty Sharon's family were the only ones there & they were asleep. Jason & his fwens were coming @ 6am they say. So I planned to wake up @ 6 to "welcome" them. So just b4 my alarm rang i woke up. Heard some noises in another rm. Saw Jason. He said they came @ 4 or 5. Slp a while more & woke up @ 8. Sheryl they all had all waken up. Played with them + watch TV. Tried 2 fly kite but totally no wind. I just kept running in around the field but the kite dropped when i stop. Aft that went back 2 slp until 12. Mom told me 2 go 4 service since its just a few streets away. So i went relunctantly.

@ the service, my heart was @ the chalet, thinking bout all the relatives tt had come. Time seemed to passed damn slowly. Finally it ended & my dad fetch me back 2 chalet.

Joined yuxin & eddie for bball. the nets were crooked. sux man.

Then went back, thinking bbq was starting soon. But it was still long. I walked to beach 2 look 4 Shawn they all. They were playing wif sand. I tried 2 build sandcastle, real hard. Failed anyway.

Dunno how i ended on the small field bhind the chalet. Saw Eddie playing badminton wif his cousin. Den played bb wif jason fwen.

Aft tt went back 2 bbq. Din eat much but real full man. Then the bbq end & everyone go home gradually. Jasmine, Jason & Aunty Sharon stayed back.

@lienated!!!

2005-06-13T23:37:00.000+08:00

An update on last wk's trg. Last wk was reali damn tough. Besides everything else being the same, the pt was hell man! So trg started fr 9 everyday but we drag here & there den will start @ bout 0940. 1st apparatus is always hbar. Tt was the event i fear most cos i scare i fail & also blister. U noe my half giant is depend on luck & always hav 2 bend legs. Den is floor which i also sux in. Its lik everyone is already doing their routine and i am still doing "jia zi". Dun even noe i can complete my routine or not: back somer 540, arabian punch front, front somer 360, layout back. Tinking of whether 2 use front 360 or back 720. I tink this yr our standard reali not tt gd. 4 mine routine i cant even tink of being the reserve 4 reserve 4 last yr. Anyway den is pommel which will be dragged on to 12 something. & 4 last wk we always end near 1. stupid mil.

den is 1 hr lunch. cant even slp. 1/2 hr + galen or any other c div guy wld be damn noisy. wake up wld hav a headache.

den trg start @ 2 PUNCTUALLY.

Vault...dunno y i cant land le. Nid do 2 jumps @ a go.
den pbars. my forte haha. but i still cant complete my routine cos of stupid aluminium & press-up. + i tink my dismount is getting screwed up. i am ending reali close each time. den wld be pommel again. actually i tink our pommel reali sux. I also dunno y. Its reali a very easy routine. I guess its just tt we started 2 late.

den the best part:PT. 1st is 2 climb plates 2 rounds. den hold V-hold & superman 4 1 min. den do vampire jump & handstand walk 1 round. den do the stupid jump-&-land thing. nxt is hop wif 1 leg, 1 round/leg. den run 10 rounds. den 20 bench press. & tts only the 1st set!!! the nxt 2 sets will hav increased numbers. the numbers also grew as the days past. The nxt days reali left us "sair". Even the great Toon cant do his moves! Reali tough surviving tt wk. Tinking of skipping but cos of chalet on wkends. Luckily Mil say the pt will reduce as time passes.

any trak guy or anyone down dere hu tinks their pt is tough, i dare u 2 try ours!!

Will update on chalet on nxt entry.

2005-06-07T15:38:00.000+08:00

wadde, so late le. No time, just blog a little. Now I feel sucky. A few days ago mr lim say i may not get to competecos something bout the regulations. sux lah. so can wang lao shi just check and tell me? I've wasted 3 1/2 yrs already,i compromised my studies and leisure time. hu noes if i put that time into my studies i may become the top student. I just feel cheated. not many ppl can emphatise with me cos they have nvr been thru this. 6 days trg, 4 hrs per trg. c how much time lost 4 NOTHING?i din even get 2 compete. its like everything literally go down the drain.

I jus want to win something now, be it individual or team. i c it as a recognition although kiat & weix c losing as nth. mayb kiat jus have 2 many trophies & weix had got wad he wanted.

I shld have followed the steps of Aloy. I am in a dilemma now, shld i stop trg? I noe i hav wasted over 3 yrs and this 1 more mth is nth. but u noe the gigantic amt of hw, & mrp & i nid revision 4 my Os.

gym just sux. we trained so hard. den 2 day mr lim say will "bai zai wo men shou shang". u tink we want that? we hav also been trg hard. mayb not our best but perhaps tts our limit or we r jus not cut 4 gym. & mind u our opponents r those hu have trained twice the period of ours: they been in this 4 10 yrs!

& today mr lim jus came 2 gym wif tt crazy temper. hes really hav pms man. i rem the last trg i attended he was still jking wif me la. den 2 day he can wif a new trg plan & a stinking attitude. tt will jus demoralise us as koony started 2 spill vulgarities.

dunno la, i just feel lost. so much hw. so much trg. i reali tink its impossible 4 a chs artistic gymnast to complete the hw.(btw our trg has increased 2 7 times!!!max le) If i m not competing, i don even noe if i 1 2 go 2 c the comp or not. i'll miss 1 wk of precious lesson, but tts the last time i can skip lesson 2 watch the comp.

ok the longest entry 4 the time

2005-05-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

yo guys!! My blog is finally back!!!!

2005-04-21T21:59:00.000+08:00

this is the post for 16 apr:

Today's the 2nd & last day of Spore opens. I had the idea of going. But have 2 tests next week; no 1 else is going; & i hav a serious flu. decided not go in the end cos if i go also nth much 2 do. sori toon & kiat. Gd luck!! Mus win

tks!!

2005-04-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

tks 2 all the guys hu come 2 my blog & tagged. surprised 2 noe u all noe my blog add. ok i nid 2 thank KAYIU 4 the creation of my blog & also the publicising part. tks a lot man!!

sori 4 not updating.. reali no time.
4 those hu c this msg, pls cont 2 come cos i will blog likely aft the tests.

reali bz. tml maths test. i havent finish study. done a few qns in tb but most ans wrong!!! die le. & also havent learn chi spelling. 20 cheng yu!!! stupid kee add 10 more. & also the eng ppt tml......

feel lik a breakdown coming.....

nerding...

2005-04-03T15:43:00.000+08:00

yo guys WELCOME!! to everyone hu come to my blog (if anyone).. tts it 4 the 1st entry cos i nid 2 nerd now