wow,time flies. It's been 6 mths. N my camp friend once told me that after it ended, the first few weeks you'll still think n dream about it. But as the time passes, you'll suddenly realise "aa,why i suddenly din tink of her already". N most of my close fwens said they took about 7-8 months to forgot. So that's probably why I still havent forgotten. Does the 1st r/s take especially long to be let go of? Just a random point, if say the r/s after the 1st would take shorter time to be forgotten, isnt that a sad thing? Because to me, it just means you take these r/s less seriously than the 1st, or you are numb or more skeptical of them.

Btw anyone who's reading this, I think you shouldnt read on. Because I tried to narrate my dream, and ended up realising there's so many parts which I cant remember! So you'll probably be very confused haha.

I didnt have a good sleep yesterday. I woke up at 3+ I think, then subsequently after intervals of 1+hrs. Not sure is because of the dreams,of just I had too much pee haha. But the first dream is undoubtedly most significant, and probably it started it all by triggering and messing up my thoughts. It was another dream that left a deep impression of me, for I remember the details quite vividly. But of course, some of it still dont make sense, although most of it made it feel so real. The 1st setting i can recall would be in a room with i think 3 of our class girls. I cant remember the others, but 1 of them was her. I was sitting doing my own stuff in a corner,and they were having their own talk. I cant really recall, but perhaps I did something like dao them when they talk to me. That led to her saying something like "must be because he couldnt get me so hes doing that..." (ok this is totally not possible,because i know she wont say that. And I realised it doesnt seem to make sense with the later part of teh story...). I got super pissed and hurt, I think, and so i just went out of the room. Fast forward (cos i cant remember what happened in between heh), I decided I couldnt take it at that moment, and I wanted to get out for a breather. So I went out of the flat (Dont ask me, I also have no idea whether this is a chalet or someone's house). At this time, a few people came out and sensed that something was wrong with me. C seemed to guessed what was happening, and he grabbed hold of me, wanting to help me confront her. I struggled because I didnt want a confrontation, I didnt want to face her, I didnt want to let her know my feelings though they might be obvious. But C was insistent, probably he knew what I was going through, and he tried to drag me in. I think the commotion caused her and the rest to come out to see what was happening. At this point, I broke down and asked C to release me. And I blurted out everything, "please let me go, i dont want her to know I still have feelings, and i dont want her to see this...". They heard everything, and I think it caught them by surprise. The end of dream. Ok thats all I could remember, I feel so stupid writing all this haha. But i didnt know why despite waking up feeling quite moody (probably influenced by the dream), I felt a slight hapiness after a while. Probably in the dream I finally said what I always wanted to but dare not say in real life.

But hai, I think the most important conclusion is that I still havent and cant let go. A random thought as i went back to sleep, "hmm maybe its because today's out 'month-sery'". What an irony, I remembered this time! And i usually forgot when i was with her. Doing the counting, it'll be 2 years and 1 month together. That'll add up to about..760 days? thats IF we are still tgt. And it means nothing now..

righthere at2:27 PM