So the last chalet ended. Ok i change my words. Probably the last, tho i certainly hope its not. Actly just nw when i was talking to my aunty, i then realised ea work as i spoke abt de girls gg 2 uni. They'll start a new life. And likely, we'll all drift apart, as they get to noe a new circle of fwens, mayb even closer, or the other half. Not forgetting they'll be busier with projects,assignment n stuff. For now, i just hope we still can maintain the wkly outings for those closer to me. You gals may not want sch to start, i tink we dont want tt either....

Actually i felt the urge to blog this afternoon, cos i wasnt really happy (far fr what i hoped n expected) n din really enjoy the chalet. Its sad, a pity. Shruggs. I have a lot alot of thoughts. By myself, and also those caused by the drama tang xin feng bao i watched in the afternn. Ok, to sum up what happened, i just became super cold n attitude to her (ok i was emo ok?if u 1 me 2 admit). But its cos i was actually a bit saddened by the reactions i received. Ok, i noe they may not be on purpose at meant tha way. But they just hit me anw, n i cant help it. I have never held her hand for more than a week. and its just very hurting when the hand is pulled away when u just managed to come into contact. and sometimes when i jus hold her,wanting to talk,she just ran away. Mayb she scared de others c or wad. But wads making me confused is tt she was quite playful n gt leaned on me on the 1st nite chat session. Sy even said he felt so hapi 4 me la cos so sweet. Shruggs. Then i just cldnt ctrl. I dunno. I noe i acted lik a jerk. She did so much 4 me. She shopped n cooked 4 me. It was q a chore n took q long, b4 she even prepared her own meal. Yea, I'm really gan dong, gan xie n gan ji. The 2nd day i wanted to cook myself so badly cos i thot i din deserve her cooking n neither did i want to be her burden tt stop her fr enjoying the bbq. But the whole time i reali got no feel. Lik no sweetness of love. I wonder why also.

Tts abt all i felt in chalet ba. I noe its ironic, but s much as i chose my own actions, i really feel very bad n guilty over wad i did. I noe i really dont deserve her. Wad Sy n others praised abt her is fully true. Shes really a true catch tts so rare now. But i gave her much less in comparison, sth she dun deserve. Mayb i cant give her hapiness. I dont have it here. But i like her, serious. Can someone teach me how to love her? How am i just supposed to do it?

I was quite connected and touched by tang xin 2day. Besides all the crying in de main family, I learnt sth very impt. From alfred and chang zai xin. They just dun communicate enough. And its really an impt thing man. Alfred so much wanted to ask for forgiveness but he din. And Chang zai xin actly so much wanted to said that she alrd forgave him. N she din say too. So they just remained lik this, unsolved. Lik i told her, we must learn fr this lesson. Cos if only both parties had said what they felt, everything wld be diff n much finer.

I know this will end up as a rhetorical question, but can somebody just tell me what to do??!?! I'm sorry for saying so many sorries. But i'm really very lost....as always

*anw i'm sometimes puzzled what she does online. Lik always tak q a while to reply but still always say lik not bz. i dunno, v confused

righthere at11:53 PM